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J. Severe BURST through the window as his father followed suit waving a machine gun! And... You know, I think I started off on the wrong foot. I mean, how many stories start off with a violent chase like that? So let's rewind and get to the part where it all started, OK? Okay.
It all started the previous night. J. Severe and his family were at a friend's party. J. Severe's father had gotten hopped up on some alcoholic beverages. He walked up to a random lady and said "I like them booties!" Well, the lady SMACKED Dad SO hard that he flipped through the air and crashed into the refreshments table which BURST into flames! Mom saw all this and marched up to the lady. "Who you think you are - slappin' my husband like that?", Mom asked. "Well your husband is a fool!", the lady yelled. Then an all-out brawl broke out between both ladies!
Mom swung at the lady! The lady ducked and uppercutted Mom! Mom flipped through the air and crashed into a banner! Mom pulled out a shuriken and hurled it at the lady! The shuriken ripped through the lady's skin as she flew back and crashed into a gas tank! The gas spilled out and leaked into the fireplace, and half of the house BLEW UP! J. Severe and his family rushed out as fire and sparks flew everywhere! The Severe's climbed into the car with Mom at the control (Dad could not drive since he was drunk) and they sped off!
However, Mom was speeding and soon the police were in hot pursuit of the great editor's family! "Uh... Mom. I don't mean to alarm you but --", J. Severe started. "But what?", Mom asked. Suddenly, a grenade flew in through the window! "That!", J. Severe yelled, and grabbed the grenade. He tossed it onto the street and it EXPLODED, leaving a gaping hole in the middle of the street! That little incident delayed the cops for a moment, and the family was able to escape death by a mere inch!
As soon as they got home, the family went into a huge argument. "Blah blah blah blah blah!", Mom went. "Blah blah blah blah", Dad went. "Blah blah blah blah!", J. Severe's older brother went. "What's the use of all this random gibberish?!", J. Severe asked. "Gah gah goo goo", J. Severe's little brother went. J. Severe just went on to bed, and no one even noticed. See, J. Severe was the middle child in the family - thus he received the least attention. And at 12 in the morning, the argument was still going on, preventing J. Severe from sleeping.
And no one cared the least bit about where the guy was.
This is what starts the day of one of the most famous editors on Wikia. J. Severe learns not to taunt his parents, especially before they've had their coffee.
Brief Interaction with DadEdit
J. Severe woke up from his sleep. Or at least, what he had of a sleep. The boy walked up to the bathroom, and he forgot to knock on the door before entering the room. Because... well, when you first wake up, your brain begins to gather up all its primary info. But J. Severe had not yet regained the info of... Well, the point is, J. Severe opened the door up on his Dad who was on the toilet. "What the --?!", J. Severe yelled in disgust! "Get out of here, you idiot!", Dad yelled and hurled one of those electronic toothbrushes at Severe! J. Severe ducked and the brush hit a mirror which cracked and shards of glass flew everywhere!
J. Severe turned around and glass ripped against his skin! J. Severe flew back and hit against Dad's hairy leg! "Aaaah!", J. Severe yelled. Dad kicked J. Severe off and the boy went flying down the stairs! Dad pulled up his pants and grabbed a belt! He was fixin' to teach J. Severe a few manners! Dad jumped down the stairs and lunged at his son! J. Severe dodged and Dad went crashing through the floor into the basement!
Brief Interaction with MomEdit
After barely dodging death, what J. Severe needed was a good meal. He walked to the kitchen and pulled out a tray of eggs and a frying pan. J. Severe attempted to turn on the fire on the stove, but nothing happened. J. Severe pushed the pan away and put his eye to the stove. It was then that the fire turned on and J. Severe's eye was burned! "Aaaaah!", he yelled and jumped back. Mom, with her hair all afrizz and wearing a face mask, arrived on the scene. "What's going --?", she started as J. Severe crashed into her! The two flew backwards into a table which split in two!
"Look what you did you stupid boy!", Mom yelled. "Hey, listen Mama. I just --", J. Severe started. Mom grabbed a glass plate and hurled it at her son! J. Severe kicked the plate and it broke. The shards of glass flew into the air and cut the string that held a chandelier to the ceiling! The chandelier came crashing to the floor and shards of glass flew into J. Severe's other eye! "Aaaaah!", he yelled.
Brief Interaction with the SiblingsEdit
Unlike Random Kid who is an only child, J. Severe had two brothers who he reluctantly had to deal with. So J, after being cut in the eye by glass, backed up into his older brother, who was holding a cup of unwashable blue paint. And.. as you can guess, the paint splattered all over the older brother. "Aah!", OB (Older Brother) shouted. "J. Severe, you idiot!", he screamed. J. Severe opened his red eye and said, "Hey there, OB. Been getting cozy with the blue paint, eh? I see it's all over you", J said, trying to make a joke. OB did not think this funny and swung at J. Severe!
J jumped back and grabbed a long knife! "You get any closer and you'll be cleaning your blood with the mop", J threatened. OB grabbed the knife and crunched it up into a tiny ball. "Uh-oh", J said, realizing that OB meant business. OB once again swung at J. Severe and succeeded in snuffing him! J. Severe hit the wall and OB lunged at him! J. Severe quickly dodged and OB's hand went through the wall! J. Severe seized this moment, grabbed a priceless vase, and BASHED it on OB's head! OB fell down, unconscious!
J. Severe turned around and faced LB (Little Brother). "Oh it's you LB. At least you won't try to beat me up", J. Severe said. Ironically, right after he said that, LB threw up on him. "Ugh! What --?! You idiot!", J. Severe shouted. Then Mom showed up on the scene. "Oh there you are, LB. Say J. Severe, did you know I found poop in LB's diaper but not in the toilet. And then I saw brown stains on his mouth. So LB ate the poop!", Mom exclaimed. "And he just threw it up on me!", J. Severe shouted, quite disgusted. J. Severe smacked LB across the face! LB started to cry.
"How dare you slap your baby brother?!", Mom yelled, holding LB in her arms. Dad ran into the room, wondering what the heck had happened. He saw OB on the ground, a hand mark on LB's face, and then he looked at J. Severe. "You... you... words cannot even express my anger! Go get ready for school before I rip out your intestines and feed 'em to the dog!", Dad threatened. J. Severe did not even hesitate. He zoomed upstairs and locked the door to his room. Once J. Severe was safe, he said, "I bet even Random Kid's having a better morning than me." But if you read Random Kid's side of the story, you'd learn that he wasn't.
So J. Severe took a quick shower, brushed his teeth, got dressed, and hurried downstairs. When he looked at the clock, he saw that it was 7:58 - just two minutes 'til the bus came. And the boy hadn't eaten breakfast. And a boy has to eat breakfast, otherwise he can't focus well in school. And trouble in school was the last thing J. Severe needed at the time. J. Severe rushed to the kitchen to see what was the quickest thing he could cook. Cereal? No, too primitive. Pancakes? No, too long. The only thing that came to mind was bacon. See, the fascinating thing with bacon is that you can fry it and plop it into your mouth within five minutes. But J. Severe couldn't just rely on bacon alone. What about sausage? And ham? Heck, every meat in the refrigerator would do!
J. Severe grabbed just about every meat from the frig and plopped them on a frying pan. He grabbed a bunch of butter and splat it on the pan as it melt. Then J. Severe rubbed the meat on where the melted butter was on the pan. Mmmm... It sure was tasty. It also took a while too. After a few minutes, the food was ready and J. Severe was having a delectable meal. However, it wasn't until J. Severe was finishing the last piece of bacon that he saw a school bus pass by. His school bus. And it hadn't even bothered to stop by his house!
Getting to SchoolEdit
J. Severe threw his dirty dishes in the sink and made a mad dash for the door! He BURST through and landed face first onto the grass! J. Severe jumped up and ran for his life! Just as he was about to catch the bus, J. Severe suddenly realized - he hadn't had his backpack.. nor his pants! J. Severe quickly left the bus and made a rush for his house! At the same time, Mom was carefully walking out of the house with a glass cup collection. Just then, J. Severe came RUNNING into Mom! CRASH! The glass cups went flying everywhere! As Mom laid lifeless on the porch, J. Severe hurried into the house, took his backpack, and rushed out to re-catch the bus.
J. Severe ran after his bus, and when he was close enough, he lurched forth to grab onto the bumper! His arms grabbed it, while the lower half of his body scraped the street. "Whoa...", J. muttered. The bus made a turn, and J. was sent flying off. "Aaah!", he yelled as he flew off and landed in some random guy's front lawn. "Oh...", he muttered. "Hey!", a cranky old voice yelled. "What --?", J. thought. He turned around to see an old lady running at him with a shotgun! "Hey calm down, li'l lade-- whoa!" J. Severe dodged the rapidly fired bullets! "Get offa muh lawn, ya darn, dirty hooligan!", the old lady yelled and continued firing! "Okay, okay!", J. agreed and ran off the lady's yard. "There!" "Hmm... good. Now stay offa muh lawn, ya darn, dirty hooligan! And ya hooligan friends too!", the old lady threatened. She waddled back to her house, muttering something under her breath. "Hew...", J. sighed. "Uh-oh. My bag!" J.'s backpack had fallen on the grass. "I'll just get it and go before that old lady can --" As soon as J.'s arm reached over the grass, the old lady BUSTED out of the house with a machine gun!
"Now ya gonna git it!", she yelled and fired uncontrollably! "Hey!", J. yelled, grabbed his bag and ran. "Don't think you kin get away from ME!", the old lady shouted. She jumped into a nearby car and drove in hot pursuit of J.! "Dwaaah!", J. yelled. "Ha ha!", the old lady chuckled. J. jumped on some random bike and pedaled as fast as he can. "Gotta... get... outta here!", J. muttered. "So ya puttin' up a fight, eh boahy?!", the old lady shouted, and pressed the gas pedal even harder. No matter how fast J. went, the old lady kept coming closer! "No!", J. yelled in distress. "Ha ha! Now, you'll get the punishment you so rightly deserve!", the old lady said, edging the gun out the window to silence J. once and for all! Just when it seemed all hope was lost, the engine on the old lady's car broke down, and the car stopped automatically. "What...?! Start, ya ugly piece of medal! Start!", the old lady said, angrily. "Heh heh", J. chuckled and rode away.
When it seemed it was clear sailing from there, J. Severe heard police sirens. Before he knew it, a police car had caught up to him. "Kid, do you have a license to ride a bike?", the officer asked. "License? To ride a bike?", J. asked, confused. "You don't? Looks like I'll have to take you in", the officer said, strictly. "What?!", J. asked in fear. "Just kidding. But where's your helmet?", the officer asked. "It must of not been on when I took the bicycle", J. said. "Took? As in STOLE?", the officer questioned. "Um... uh... well, you see --", J. tried to explain. "Stealing other people's property is a serious crime! I'll have to take you to Juvie. And I'm NOT kidding this time", the officer threatened. Fortunately, at that moment, the police car broke through a brick wall! This turned out to be the school! "What the --?", J. said, startled. The two had been so caught up in conversation, that they didn't notice they had driven off the road and onto school grounds.
Escaping the Police and Reaching the ClassEdit
Inside the building, the police car made a U-turn and went straight for J. Severe! J. jumped off the bike as the car drove right over it, crushing it to pieces! J. ran to the back of the school, with the police car following his every move! J. reached the blacktop, yelling and screaming for help. The other students stared at him confused, until they saw a deadly police car come swerve out of nowhere and run at them! The car stopped in the center of the blacktop, as various students tried to "hop the fence" and flee the scene. The officer hopped out of the car and stood a few feet away from J. Severe, two handguns in his hands!
"This is it, boy. You either come with me, or I'll force ya", the officer threatened. J. backed up in fear. "N-no... I-I won't!", J. refused. "Young fool! You just made the worst mistake of your life!", the officer shouted and ripped off his clothes. Underneath his police wear was some kind of gang outfit. "I am from the crime syndicate, CS! We will soon gain control of the town. Now.. if you want us to spare your life, come forth", the guy threatened. "Wait? Hold on... If you're disguised as a police officer, then ---" "Yes. All the real officer are bound and gagged at our headquarters. Just imagine the surprised look on the citizens' faces when they learn their only salvation are actually the enemies in disguise!", the guy said deviously. "Oh yeah? That's your mistake! Now all of us know your secret!" "What do you mean, 'us'?" "I mean..." J. Severe looked around. There was no one else in sight but the guy. "Your friends have all fled. Now no one can stop me!"
Just then, Random Kid came bursting through the school doors and crashed into the guy! "What the ---?!", J. Severe shouted. A gang of teenagers peeked through the now felled school doors. "I told you ya punched him too hard, Phil", one of the teens said. "Ugh... what power is this...? Get off!", the guy commanded. "Don't get up!", J. instructed. "No... these children! They are too powerful! Abort mission!", the guy yelled. Suddely, a giant blimp came into view in the sky. A rope fell down from it. The guy got up from under Random Kid and quickly climbed the rope. "You kids may have defeated me, but I'll be back! Yes, we will return!", the guy shouted as the blimp faded off into the sky. "What was that about?", Random Kid asked. "It's not important. Let's get to class", J. said. "I can't... I have a possible broken rib!", Random Kid complained.
Well, there's nothing to write about, considering all he did was learn. Unless you're so much a dork as to you'd want to read about math and science and whatnot in an action novel, which I severely doubt.
Lunch: A Time of Pure AudacityEdit
J. Severe encountered Random Kid in the lunchroom - or cafeteria, as some call it - and they engaged in a conversation that only best friends could. "Hey, J. Severe, have you ever noticed that ---?", Random Kid started. Suddenly, some foolish child named Randy walked up to the two. "Hey, Random Kid. Who's that?", Randy asked, pointing to some random pedestrian the likes of whom the boys had never seen before. "Shut 'cho mouth, boahy!", J. yelled, angry at the kid for his interruption. "Ha ha! I'm gonna get you back!", Randy said with a smirk. "Listen, kid. I don't know what your problem with me is, but ya better get outta here before I--", Random Kid started. "You know exactly what my problem is! You exposed my secret! That I [DIRTY SECRET INHELD]! And now I'm gonna expose yours!", Randy yelled devilishly! "What --? Shut yo mouth!", Random Kid swung at Randy, "Take that, you clown!" "Gak!", Randy took the hit to the stomach and fell to the ground!
A lunch aid approached Random Kid for what he had done. J. Severe backed up slowly and made a run for it. He got on line, glad that he had escaped getting in trouble. He took a plate and went to get his lunch. "I'd like a soft beef taco, please", J. said. The lunch lady plopped a pile of... well, no one knows what that thing was, on J.'s plate. "Erm, this isn't a taco. It's crud", J. suggested. "Like I care. Get going", the lunch lady groaned. "Listen here, goyl! I paid a good $1.25 for this lunch, and I'll get what I want or else I'll have your head!", J. Severe yelled. "You need to wash yo mouth out!", the lunch lady replied and stuck a pack of soap with gunk on it into J.'s mouth. J. Severe fell back and hit the wall! "I'd like a soft beef taco, please", the next kid said. "Soitenly!", the lady said and carefully placed a taco on the kid's plate. J. Severe spit the soap out of his mouth and glared angrily at the kid.
As the kid was edging towards his lunch table, J. Severe tripped him! The kid hit face-first on the floor as J. grabbed the lunch and made a mad dash for a seat! "Help! That boy stole my lunch!", the kid yelled. Suddenly, a whole bunch of lunch aids BUSTED into the room! "Yes, help! He went over there!", the kid pointed. The aids went in the direction the kid pointed! J. turned around and saw the aids coming at him! He stood in place and waited for the inevitable! The aids ran on past him. "Huh?", J. thought. The aids tackled some teenager to the ground! "You should be at the high school!", the aids yelled and dragged the screaming teen out the door. "Hey, what about me!?", the kid shouted. "Get your lunch", another aid commanded. "But he TOOK my lunch!", the kid tried to explain. "Ah, The Kid. Always makin' up stories", the aid sighed and walked away. "But it's true!", the kid pleaded. J. took a sigh of relief and sat down next to Random Kid, to start wolfing down his taco.
"Must be pretty good, J. Severe, you're smacking", Random Kid said. Random had no idea what J. had to do to get this lunch! Just then, some girl named Sally walked up to the two in a manner similar to what Randy had done, and started talkin' trash. "Hey, blah blah blah", she said randomly. "Excuse me?", J. asked. "Blah blah blah blah", Sally continued. "Please, ma'am. People are trying to enjoy their food", Random Kid explained. "Blah blah blah", she went on. "Please, cease in your babbling!", J. Severe yelled. "Blah blah", the girl went on with no mercy. "Didn't want to have to play this card, but... shut your mouth!", Random Kid yelled. "Blah blah blah blah blah blah!", Sally forged on, like a mental patient! "Whaaaa!", J. exploded in a fit of rage, "Shut UP!" Sally attacked Random Kid and smacked him in the back so hard he fell to his knees! "No one tells me to shut up", Sally said. "I just did", J. announced, quite bravely. Sally swung at J.! J. saw this and jumped back, falling off the chair! Sally kept swinging until she hit the lunch tray, which flew back and hit some menacing guy behind them! Sally was about to end J. Severe once and for all, when the aid, Ms. D., told us it was time to go outside for a well-needed recess. J. Severe and Random Kid's lives were spared, until...