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The Creator's Birthday Battle!

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Prologue: Within the month of May is the birthday of Joel Severe Wiki creator, J. Severe. This day is special because this is the first birthday J. has had since the creation of JSW. The day of J. Severe's birth, nor his age will be revealed. Now back to the show:


J. Severe and Random Kid were chatting away when The Boss arrived, panting and hyperventilating. "What's going on?", J. Severe asked. "We.. were going to make your... uh, brief adventure into a story on your wiki. But here's the thing: do you want to be in a script-like form or a narration?", the Boss asked. "Narration of course! It may be my birthday, but it's no movie! Besides, we already have the Anniversary Specials in script-like form", J. Severe instructed. "Yes, J. Severe. Sorry, J. Severe", the Boss said and scurried off.

"Wow, J. I've never seen anyone tell the Boss what to do before", Random Kid said. "Well, he may be the creator of Wikia, but I'm the creator of Joel Severe Wiki", J. Severe said. "Yeah, but he's like... the President. And you're just the CEO of a small yet successful company", Random said. "So?", J. Severe asked, "I can block him." "No, actually he can block YOU. Not just block, ban you from Wikia for all eternity", Random said. "Well... I wish you said that before I back-sassed the Boss", J. Severe replied.

"Okay, everyone! The story's about to start!", the Boss announced. "Get your order of cheese nachos and take a seat!" J. Severe and Random Kid took a box of nachos from the counter and sat down in the front row. Numbers appeared on the huge theater screen. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

The first trailer: Rated PG for extreme action violence by the Wikia Rating Association of America. Joel Severe is happily walking along the street when a mysteriously portal opens up in front of him. Joel unknowingly walks inside and is transported to another dimension! There, everything is computer-animated, and there is complete ruckus. Joel asks, "What's going on?" A Joel-look alike walks up and says, "A perfect day in the Parallel Universe." Then the words Joel Severe in: PARALLEL UNIVERSE appear on screen, followed by COMING WINTER 2011.

"That looks like a good story. I'll go read it when it comes out", J. Severe said. "Me too", Random Kid said.

(Cool movie music plays)

On a black screen, the words (typed in a handwriting-like font) Joel Severe Wiki and Wikia Central present... J. Severe in The Creator's Birthday Battle!

The MorningEdit

Ugh... (licks lips) Wha... Ummm. (snick, snick) It's - (yawn) - another normal day. I got off of bed and pulled on my slippers. I went to open the door when a whole bunch of people came out of NOWHERE and trampled me!!! "Happy birthday, J. Severe! Happy birthday!", the crowd of people chanted. "Hey, where IS J. Severe?", someone asked. "Right here", I weakly said, getting up from the ground. "J. SEVERE!", they shouted and came to ram into me again! I quickly ran into the hallway and slid down the stairs with the unknown group of people in hot pursuit!

I rushed into the kitchen and grabbed a knife! Once the group showed, I pointed it at them. "Anyone take a single step and they'll be slashed!", I threatened. One guy took a step. I swung at the guy and the knife slashed across his shirt. "Ouch!", the guy yelled. He swung back at me! I dodged and grabbed him arm! I punched the guy in his stomach, but he was so fat my hand bounced off and hit me dead in the face!

I hit the counter and I heard a crack coming from my spine! "YOW!", I yelled. Dad tried to hold me down. "Son! Calm down!", Dad yelled. "What's going on?!", I asked, going all bonkers. "It's your birthday!", Dad exclaimed. I stopped squirming. "Birthday?", I asked.


In a few minutes, I was in my clothes sitting at the table as a whole bunch of my relatives sang Happy Birthday to me. Boy, it was great to be [blank] years old. It opens up lots of opportunities for a guy and... and... Oh, I got nothin'. The point is, I got to have a nice meal of chocolate cake and it was only 9:00 in the morning. More importantly, I got a lot of gifts. See, there are two days in the year where you REALLY get what you want: your birthday and Christmas. And this birthday, I struck it rich.

I got a whole bunch of game systems like a Nintendo Wii, and a whole bunch of money. And I even invited some of my friends Random Kid, Jordan, Ashley, Random Girl, and my cousin A. Louis. It sure was a swell time! Music was playin', people were dancin'. I'm tellin' ya, the birthdays rocked. It's actually kind of weird because I had... actually forgotten that today was even my birthday. And it's really weird if a guy forgets his own birthday. But never mind that, I had completely hidden the fact that I may have even forgotten a single aspect of it all, and no one was ever the wiser.

I sat down on the couch with a piece of fried chicken. I was about to take a nap when... Well, I couldn't because there was a lot of noise. And no one can sleep with such noise unless you're like, really drunk. But I don't drink... or maybe I'm not old enough to drink... or maybe I'm too OLD to drink... See what I did there? I completely overwhelmed you with possibilities of how old I my be, but you don't know which one is correct. And as if I would tell you...

So I was wide awake for the next few hours. It got kind of annoying hearing the same songs over and over. And even a few rap songs played. Have I ever told you how much I hate rap songs? No? Well I hate rap! It's all just mindless gibberish said over a bunch of intelligible fast-pased tunes. It's foolish. So the point is, the noice was so annoying that I went outside to take a nap there.

The DisappearanceEdit

What I did was I took one of those hammocks, tied them between two trees in my yard, and lied down on said hammock. Yes sir, I had me a nice nap. After a long morning of celebration, it was finally nice to... HUH?! What the --?! What's going on?! Hey, what are you --?! No, NOT THE FACE! Oof!

Ugh... If you're wondering what in the world just happened, let me set the scene for you. You're outside, relaxing, napping without a care in the world. Then you hear the sound of gunshots! You quickly get up and rush inside your house when you see everything trashed and red liquid all over the floor! Either the folks at the party really trashed the place and fruit punch got spilled everywhere or there's just been a violent robbery!

I quickly scanned the house for any signs of life. At first I had no luck until this masked guy came out of NOWHERE and gave me a good punch! That guy must have been workin' out 'cause his punches hurt as much as... as... something that hurts a lot. A safe. Hurt like a safe. Because... a safe... it's hard and heavy, right? Just imagine getting hit by one. Painful, ain't it? That's how this felt. Anyway, I woke up about a hour later, grabbed a bat (just in cause I ran into that guy again), and scanned the house again. Whoever this fool was, he got out safely - and with my friends & family too!

The New Guy on the TeamEdit

I ran out the house and quickly scanned the street! No one was in sight! I randomly ran around without a care and eventually fell of the hill! See my house rested on a hill and... ah, forget it. So I rolled down, my clothes getting filled with dirt, until I bumped into some random guy who was carrying a tray of fruit! "Waaah!", we both yelled as mangos flew about. "What's wrong with you?!", the guy yelled. "Hey, no need to be all pushy!", I said and jumped up. "Well, aren't you gonna help me?", the man asked. "Well I'd love to and all but I've got a problem", I said. "Oh... I understand", the man said with a sly face. "Not THAT problem; my folks have gone missing", I said. "Oh! THAT problem!", the guy realized.

The guy got up and faced me. "Well I should probably introduce myself. I am Prince Philip!", he said. "What?", I asked, "This ain't no fairy tale! It's a narrative!" "No it's true. I come from an actual country in Europe where my father is ruler", the Prince said. "So he's like, total ruler over everything?", I asked. "Um... no. It's like with the Queen of England. The government takes care of stuff while the Queen sits there and looks pretty. That's pretty much the situation here", he explained. "So you think your dad is pretty?", I asked. "Wha -? No, I -! Ugh!", the Prince stammared. I was having fun messin' with the guy.

"Listen, the point is, I'm a Prince. I visit America and I'm suddenly not a prince but an "illegal immigrant." So now I'm struggling my butt off to make ends meet 'til my family sends for a helicopter to bring me back to my home country. And while doing that, I have to dodge the government so they don't give me the electric chair", the Prince continued. "Wow. That's a lot of stuff. I almost feel sorry for you. But I'm not", I said. "What's your story?", the Prince asked. "Well, I fall asleep and when I wake up - everyone's gone", I said. "What if we join together as a team to help one another?", the Prince suggested. "That's crazy!", I muttered, "... So crazy that it just might work!"

A Clue!Edit

So me and Prince Philip went walking along. "Hey Prince Philip --", I started. "Just calm me Phil", the Prince said. "Okay then, Phil. I was just wondering if--", I started before I tripped over something and my face hit the pavement. "What in blazes --!", I started. It turned out I had tripped on a sword. Prince Philip Phil picked it up and examined it. "Oh my Egyptian gods! This is the Sword of Osiris!", Phil yelled. "The Sword of Who-Cyrus?", I asked. "Not Who-Cyrus, Osiris!", Phil exclaimed. "What's so great about a big rusty knife?", I asked, getting up. "This was the national treasure of my country a few years ago - until it was stolen. Wait 'till the guys back home hear about this!", Phil said.

"That's great 'n all. But -- hey, there's some red liquid at the point", I pointed out. "You're right. It looks like blood", Phil said. "Any chance it could be the blood found at my home?", I wondered. "Possibly. There's only one way to find out." Me and Prince Phi---, uh, Phil and I went back to my house and collected a bag of the blood that was splattered all over the kitchen floor. Then we went to the hospital and asked one of the doctors to examine the blood from my house and the blood on the sword.

"...They are the exact same kind of blood", the doctor concluded. "So that means whoever went to my house must of used the Sword of Miley Cyrus to slice someone!", I said. "It's Osiris, not Miley Cyrus! And second, that may be true", Phil said, "but the Sword of Osiris would never be used for such a barbaric thing." "Well the murderer doesn't know that", I said. "Yes, that's great and all. I'm gonna have to charge you for this examination", the doctor said.

History of the Sword of OsirisEdit

So after we paid that cheapskate doctor, Phil and I went on our way. "So tell me more about this Sword of Billy Ray Cyrus", I said. "It's OSIRIS!", Phil yelled. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Answer the question, Philly Boahy!", I continued. "See, the Sword of Osiris was believed to be handed down to the Egyptians by the god himself", Phil said. "Who's name was...?", I asked. "You should know! It's in the name!", Phil exclaimed. "Hmm... the god Sword-Of?", I asked. "No! Osiris!", Phil yelled. "Huh? I never knew there was an Oh Cyrus. And he's a god, too. No wonder Hannah Montana is so popular", I said.

"As I was saying, the Sword mysteriously vanished during a war in Egypt", Phil continued. "Oh Cyrus! Baby! Oh Cyrus! You're my world! Oh Cyrus. Babe-uh, babe-uh, babe-uh! Cyrus! Oh yeah, Cy-rus!", I sang. "J. Severe!", Phil yelled. "Wha ---? Hey, how do you know my name?", I asked. "Well you're J. Severe! You're an internet sensation! Folks around the world love your stories", Phil said. "They do?", I asked. "Yeah. You should be lucky that when I recognized you I didn't hug and kiss you like girls would", Phil said. "Girls? They go head over heels for me?", I asked. "Yes. They think you're HOT!", Phil said.

"Well I can't blame 'em. Sometimes even I can't control my extreme awsomeness", I said, admiring my coolness. "Yeah, yeah. Let's get goin'", Phil said, and continued the story: "Then several hundred years later, the Sword showed up at the city dump in my country. It was quickly polished and put on display at the museum. Until it was stolen." "In a war?", I asked. "No it just vanished - with shards of glass on the floor. Some kids the Ugly Guy in Town looked at the Sword and it ran away", Phil concluded. "Well if it's as ugly as a guy I know, the Sword has reason to run away", I said.

Yet Another Clue!Edit

As Phil and I went walking along, I spotted a small piece of paper out of the corner of my eye. Out of curiosity, I lunged forth to catch the paper, but the wind blew it out of my reach! "Whadda --!", I stammered. The paper flew and got wedged in between a half-open door. I went to get it, but then the paper slid inside the house! I went inside the house to retrieve the paper when I saw a woman wearing nothing but a towel and holding a baseball bat! "WHHHHAH!", the lady yelled. "Wait, no please! It was an acci --!", I started. I was never able to finish the sentence because at that moment the lady started POUNDING me with the bat!

I rushed into the living room where I grabbed a crowbar and went HEAD-TO-HEAD with the unknown woman! She swung at me! I ducked and pierced her in the stomach! The woman jumped back just as I spotted the paper! I grabbed it, but then the woman head-butted into me! We crashed through the wall and landed in the kitchen! I grabbed a random cup of grease and flinged it at the lady's eyes! As the lady groaned in pain, I hurled the crowbar at the window and glass flew everywhere! I jumped out the window and joined Phil once more!

"What was that about?", Phil asked. "Never mind that. What's important is, we may have a new clue", I said and read the paper. It read, and I quote:

1600 Quadrant Road at 3:00

"1600 Quadrant Road? That's on the other side of town!", I said. "And something's going on over there at 3:00. We'd better check it out", Phil advised, "That's in 15 minutes!" And so Phil and I rushed to this address, unknown of what terrors we awaited.

The Murderer!Edit

And soon enough, we were there. 1600 Quadrant Road, like the note said. I knocked on the door. "What are you, crazy? If a murderer's in there and you knock on the door he'll know we're here", Phil complained. "Well, excuse me for being nice to a villain", I retorted. Just then, the door mysteriously opened. "Huh?", was mine and Phil's remark. I looked inside. There was no one in sight. That was creepy, considering that someone must have been there to open the door. Doors don't open by themselves, you know. "Well, what 'cha waitin' for?", I told Phil, "Go inside." "Me?! Inside there? Why not you?", Phil refused. "Because I already knocked on the door. I can't knock on the door AND go inside. Then I'd be doing all the work and you'd be out here without nothing to do", I explained. "Fine... if you're too scared", Phil taunted and walked towards the house. With the first step he took inside, two giant tentacles came out of nowhere, grabbed Phil, and dragged him to the basement!

I was pretty darn frightened at what just happened. As I matter of fact, I felt like just going back home and forgetting the whole thing. But what kind of person would I be if I let all those people die? After all, it was I who lead Phil to his capture. I had to set things right. I ran into the house. Once again, two tentacles came and lunged at me! I jumped over them and made a ran for it! There was a staircase that led to the basement. I just had to get down and save the folks, is all. The tentacles came back for more! I took a comb out of my pocket (I always keep a trusty comb in case there's something wrong with my hair) and hurled it at one of them! The comb pierced one of the tentacles and green blood came gushing out of the cut!

The second tentacles took a look at the injured tentacles, then at me. Like a bolt of lightning, the tentacle rammed into me and dropped me on the floor! The tentacle opened its mouth and hissed at me! As the tentacle went to take a bite out of me, I held its open mouth back and gazed at its teeth. Thems was some ugly-butt teeth, they were. I'm not sure that guy had heard of Listerine or not but he sure did need it. I could see that the tentacle was slowly slipping towards me. As I was holding his mouth open, I found slipping too - towards the stairs. When I was close enough, I let go of the tentacle's mouth and jumped down the stairs in the same second!

The tentacle followed me down the stairs. However, halfway, it was stuck in place. It could only go so far, and it had gone past its stop point. I spit on the tentacle and took a triumphant march to the basement. There, I saw a bunch of darkness, but I could make out Phil in the midst. He was strapped to a chair, unconscious. I rushed over to him. "Yo, Phil! Wake up! Wake up, Phil!", I called. When he didn't respond, I slapped him across the face! That woke him up. "Huh? Where am I?", he asked. "You're captured, is what you are. Don't worry, I'll free you", I said, and freed Phil. As I unstrapped the last strap that held him to the chair, all the lights turned on. "What the heck?!", I muttered. "Gentlemen...", a booming voice said, "En chante... a tip of the hat... from THE MURDERER!"

J. Severe vs. The MurdererEdit

"You!", I yelled. "Ah, so you're the fabled Birthday Boy. Heh heh", the Murderer chuckled. "What's so funny?", I asked, angered. "It's just the irony of it all. I kidnap some boy's family and friends. That boy goes on a perilous journey to find said family/friend. Then the boy finds ME and we go head-to-head in a battle to end all battles", the Murderer explained. "This has happened before?", Phil asked. "Oh, so many times that I have it memorized. I've gone against and killed every "hero" who dared face me!", the Murderer yelled. "Oh yeah? Well, prepare to be defeated, ya fat freak!", I yelled back. "Oh, I see. Well it's gonna be hard to beat me when your friends and family are dangling over a pot of boiling, hot acid!" And the Murderer pulled on some string that exposed something behind a curtain: all the missing allies and relatives that had come to my party... and were dangling by rope over a giant pot of acid!

"You beast!", I yelled. "I'm a beast, eh? Then come and give me a punch!", the Murderer taunted. Without thinking, I ran towards the Murderer and swung at him! He ducked and stabbed me in the stomach with a knife! "Augh!", I yelled and jumped back in pain. "Bad mistake!", the Murderer shouted and then cut the rope holding my family/friends from the acid pot! "Nooooo!", I cried in distress. I took my hand away from the bloody wound and ran forth to save them! The Murderer tripped me on the ground. As I lay on the wooden floor, the Murderer held the knife to my neck. "Happy... birthday...", he said deviously and kicked me into the pot to die!...

I closed my eyes as the acid liquid seered into my bloodstream and evaporated my entire body. I screamed in pain. Nothing worked. I screamed, and screamed until I could scream no more. Everything went black. I felt nothing. I was dead. Or at least I thought so. In the ensuing darkness, I saw a tiny light. That tiny light grew bigger and bigger until it completely blinded. It wasn't Heaven, as you might have thought. No... It was something else. Something extraordinary. Huh?... I opened my eyes. To my astonishment, the Sword of Noah Cyrus, which was stuck in my pocket, was glowing. It ascended into the room, along with me, and all my family/friends. I had forgotten all about the Sword, and now it had saved my life.

Soon, I was back on land, as were my comrads. They raced forth to hug and kiss me, but I told them to stop. In the corner of my eye, I saw Phil going HEAD-TO-HEAD with the Murderer! It seemed that Phil had my comb - I guess that fell out of my pocket as I was running towards the Murderer before - and was swashbuckling with the Murderer and his knife! I took the Sword of Somethin'-Cyrus and quietly ran towards the Murderer. Phil saw me and a big grin spread across his face. The Murderer noticed this. "Hey, what the heck are you ---?", the Murderer asked. He turned around and saw me about to do him in! But before the Murderer could put up his knife and slash me back, I cut him with all my might across the face!!!

The Murderer flew through the air, with blood profusely gushing from the cut, into the precariously placed acid pot! He screamed and wailed in pain that scraped against my eardrums! The scream soon faded, and was nothing more than a few soundwaves in the air. The Murderer had been killed by his own invention.

Everyone crowed around me and started cheering. "Oh, J.! My brave little boy!", Mom cheered. "Way to go, muh boy!", Dad cheered. "That was awesome!", Random Kid cheered. "My hero!", Ashley cheered and kissed me all over the cheek. "I guess you are pretty cool after all!", A. Louis cheered. "Nice!", Jordan cheered. "Way to wield the Sword of Osiris, J.!", Phil cheered. Suddenly, all the cheering stopped. "Who the heck are you?!", everyone asked Phil. "Oh, he's a new friend of mine. His name is Prince Phillip. If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be here right now", I introduced. Another short silence. "Well, that's cool. That's cool...", some random guy muttered.

Out of nowhere, the ground started shaking abruptly, as if an earthquake was a'brewin'! "What's going on?", Random Girl asked. "Sounds like the building is structurily unsound. Let's get out of here!", Random Kid yelled. We all made a dash for the exit as the building started to crumble and fall down! As I reached the exit, I felt a tug at my feet and I fell down! As I looked behind me, I saw a decaying zombie version of the Murderer! "Ugh...", it muttered, as black blood oozed from his mouth! "Waaaaaah!", I screamed in fear! The undead Murderer took his nails and dug them into my leg! I felt a searing pain as my leg went numb! "Heeeeeeelp!", I screamed. Fortunately, a boulder fell from the ceiling and landed on the Murderer's hand! "Auuuugh!", he screamed as he loosed his grip on me. I tried to get up, but my numb leg wouldn't budge! I was forced to pull myself through the window and hurl myself out as the building exploded behind me!!!


Outside, my friends and family were waiting with anticipation as they looked around for me exiting the building. Mom shrieked and fainted as she saw me and my black leg falling from a two-story window! Now I bet you are wondering why the whole climax took place in the basement, but I fell from two stories up. That's classified information, and the Government is already pressuring me with keeping this story secret anyway. So never mind that. I just fell from two stories and hit the ground! Everything went black.

I woke up hours later in the hospital. The Doctor was there to greet me. "Hey there, Birthday Boy. You took quite a nasty fall there... wherever you were. Anyway, we were able to adjust your spine back to normal, but you'll have to use a wheelchair for the next few weeks. Also, we found gallons of venom in your leg, and we were able to abstract it. How'd that get in there anyway?", the Doctor asked. "Erm... I have no idea", I lied. "Huh. Well, we'll let you out now. Quite a weird way to spend your birthday", he said.

I got out of the Emergency room, and my family and friends embraced me once again with the hugs and the kisses. They piled me into the car's backseat and we drove back to the house. There, my parents placed me in the corner of the living room (with two buff bodyguards watching over me) as the rest of them cleaned up all the blood and continued the party. That's pretty much how every birthday happens for me. Heh heh, just kidding. This was the first time such a thing happened. However, I should probably note that if this is how it happens for the heroes in MY stories, maybe I should cut them a little slack. Make it less violent. Because after today, I can never read one of my books the same way ever again....


Epilogue (Part 2)Edit

Oh yeah, I completely forgot about Prince Phillip. I'll have to tell you how he got back to his home country, won't I? Okay, I'll get to that.

After a few weeks of having to share my bedroom with Phil, I was finally able to walk again - and Phil got a message from his Queen & King parents that it was time to return home. They were sending a big ship to a dock in my hometown which I cannot name, and Phil had to get on and escape before the Government caught him and arrested him. That day came, and at night Mom chose me to be the one to guide him on his perilous journey.

Phil & I got on our bike with two seats and pedaled silently across the empty streets of the town to the pier where the ship stood. We arrived, and Phil left the bike to board the elegant ship. "Thank you, my friend. For everything", Phil thanked. "Eh, don't mention it. I'm all ABOUT charitable stuff and such", I said, trying to be modest. Phil rolled his eyes with a smile, and got on the ship. Soon, the ship started to sail away, and I was about to get on my bike and continue home.

However, after I pedaled a few feet, I heard police sirens! I looked around. In my very eyes, police cars and helicopters were coming in every direction. "Stop in the name of the law, illegal immigrant!", a police officer yelled through his bullhorn. Oh no! Someone had heard about Phil and squealed off to the police! I quickly turned my bike around and started pedaling towards the ship! When I reached the gate, I jumped over it and collapsed into the ocean! I swam all the way over to the ship and caught onto the anchor which was being hoisted up. I ran across the deck over to Phil, who was enjoying a cup of apple cider. "Phil! Phil!", I yelled. "Blech! Who is this filthy vermin who dares disturb Prince Phillip?", an old guy asked, "Guards, seize him!" "Wait, no!", Phil stopped, "He is my friend who helped me in America! Go on, J. What is it?"

"The U.S. government is on their way right now to get all of you!", I warned. "Ha! As if. This putrid swine is full of fibs", the old guy said. Right then, a giant bomb came flying out of nowhere and exploded right in the middle of us! "Okay, now I believe you. RUN!!!", the old guy shrieked. He and everyone except me and Phil ran to take cover. "So what do we do?", Phil asked. "Fight back until we're safe outside of American territory", I explained. "Excellent", Phil replied. The two of us took cannons from the storage and filled them with cannonballs. "Fire!", I yelled. Phil fired various cannonballs into the sky! They hit some helicopters which fell into the ocean and blew up!

At System Control, some guy was talking to the Head Hancho. "Sir, the immigrants are fighting back", the guy warned. "Really? Then we'll give them a fight they'll NEVER forget!", the Head Hancho announced with an evil smirk on his face. "Men, fire at will!" BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Bombs were shot rapidly at the ship! "Counteract them with the cannonballs!", I instructed. Phil shot cannonballs in the air. They hit directly the oncoming bombs, resulting in a giant explosion! "Whoa!", the Head Hancho & J. Severe shouted at the same time. The explosion rocked the boat back, nearly tipping it over and into the water! "Ha ha! We got 'em now boys!", the Head Hancho cheered. "But sir, they counteracted our attack", the guy said. "Must you ruin everything?! Begone, fool!", the Head Hancho ordered.

"Lean!", J. Severe ordered. Everyone leaned towards the front of the ship, making it balance. J. Severe took a bullhorn and yelled, "You'll have to do better than that!" Then the Head Hancho leaned his head out the window and yelled back, "We wuh ---" Since the helicopter the Head Hancho was in was moving at extremely high speeds, the air pressure pushes the Head Hancho's body out the window and he tumbled down into the waters below! "Noooooooooooo!", he shouted before he hit the water and drowned. "Well, that was almost impossibly too easy", Phil said. "Yeah... oh well. I guess there's no need for an all-out brawl", I said. "Darn. I always enjoy a nice brawl in the evening", the old man said. Suddenly, the ocean began to shake. "W-w-what is that?", Phil asked. "B-b-beats me!", I replied.

A giant monster emerged from the ocean, splattering water all over the place! "Whoa!", I yelled. "Remember me?!", shouted an all-too-familiar voice. 'Twas the Head Hancho, and he was riding on the monster! "You FIEND!", I yelled. "Silence, brat!", the Head Hancho yelled. The monster swung its tail ferociously at the ship! The tail ripped off the front of the ship, and various passangers fell off! "No! Stop!", Phil pleaded. "Not until I have you in custody!", the Head Hancho shouted. "Please, take me! Do not harm my people!", Phil pleaded. "Gladly!", the Head Hancho agreed. The monster lowered its head to the ship as the Head Hancho grabbed Phil by the collar and hoised him up! "Nooooo!", I shouted. I went over to a glass box, which held the Sword of Ron Cyrus that was supposed to go back to Phil's country. I broke the glass box and grabbed the Sword! I ran to the edge of the ship and jumped off to grab onto the monster!

I was a few feet to far. I wouldn't make it. Unless... I took the Sword and dug it right into the monster's back! "RAAAAAAAAH!", the monster yelled in pain. I pulled the Sword from the monster's blood-covered wound and climbed up its back. It was pouring rain right now, and I struggled to climb up! When I got to the monster's head, I swung the Sword at the Head Hancho! He had anticipated this, and pulled Phil in front of him! I accidentally slashed Phil across the chest! Phil fell down, blood flowing from him! "No!", I shouted. "Not Phil!" The Head Hancho kicked me in the stomach! I flew back as he grabbed the Sword. He slashed across the face back and forth until my skin had ripped off! I tried to retain my balance as I held a hand over my face! The top of the monster's head (which we were on), was now colored red with Phil's blood! The Head Hancho was about to deliver the final blow to me, when I fell over. Instead, the Sword pierced the monster's head! "RAAAAH!", the monster shouted and shook ferociously! The Head Hancho and Phil both fell over as the monster continued shaking ferociously!

I fell into the ocean, followed by the Head Hancho and Phil. The monster kept shaking and yelling madly! It started attacking everything! All the cars and helicopters that were nearby were destroyed or blown up! I swam up to the surface, despite my many wounds, and the rain violently pouring on my broken scalp! I grabbed Phil by the neck and swam with him back to the ship. I attempted to climb up, but I had lost too much blood. The last thing I saw was me sinking into the blood-red water, and everything going black...

Epilogue (Part 3)Edit

Huh?!... "(gasp), (gasp)", went I. I breathed. All I took in was water. I looked around. The place was deserted. I felt my face. It was no longer cut. I tried to get out of the water. I couldn't. It was all around me. I couldn't escape. No where to go. I couldn't breath. My face turned blue. Everything went blurry. Soon, it was just pitch black.

(Cough, cough!) I woke up. Where was I? I looked around. I did not recognize this place. It --- "J., you're alive!" Huh?! "Who... who's there?", I asked, drearily. "It is I, Prince Phillip!", the voice said. I sat up straight in my bed. "Where am I?", I asked. "In my home country, of course!", Phil cheered. "What ---? How did we get here?", I asked. "Apparently, the crew members lifted you and I back up into the ship. After they did that, the monster kicked us in a fit of rage into the air, far away. And the rest is history", Phil explained. "What about the Sword ---?" "The Sword of Osiris had been carried off with wherever that murderous man is. It was a grand object, but at least we kept our lives", Phil added. "And... the wounds..." "The hospital stitched up our wounds. I needed a blood transfusion, for I had lost 1/3 of my blood. I'm good now", Phil said. "How long have I ---?" "About a week." "A WEEK?!!!"

I went into my pocket to get my phone, but it wasn't there. "Looking for this?", Phil asked, holding out the phone, "It fell out during the storm." "You got my phone but not a mystical Sword?", I said, disgusted. "Well, you should be happy you have ANYTHING!", Phil argued. "Whatever." I checked my text messages and found these:

Text 1: A week ago. Mom: Um... son? Did you lead Phil to that ship yet?

Text 2: A week ago. Mom: J., it shouldn't take THAT long to just get him on the ship.

Text 3: 6 days ago. Mom: J., are you okay? Where are you?

Text 4: 6 days ago. Mom: J., where ARE you?! I'm getting really worried. Please text back.

Text 5: 5 days ago. Mom: J., if you don't get your sorry butt back right NOW, I will gleefully [censored out for being too graphic].

Text 6: 5 days ago. Mom: GET THE [censored] BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!

Text 7: 4 days ago. Mom: J.... honey... are you still alive?

Text 8: 4 days ago. Mom: PLEASE J., come back! I can't take it anymore! Please, oh God, come home!...

Text 9: 3 days ago. Mom: I'm calling the police.

I couldn't believe it. Surely, my Mom was having a seizure while sending these texts. She was so sad, so scared that she didn't know where I was, or even if I was still alive. I had to send her back a text.

My Text: J. Severe: Don't worry, Mom. I'm okay. I'm just here in Phil's country. Things got a little... delayed last week. Don't worry, I'll be home soon.

Whew. I wondered what would be waiting for me when I got home. I had to leave immediately. "Hey, where ya goin'? Don't 'cha wanna check out the scenery?", Phil asked. "No, I'm sorry. I have to get back home right now. I've helped you so much, and you've helped me. But I've really gotta go", I said, sorry I had to leave my friend. "Will you ever come visit?", Phil asked. "Maybe if I have money", I said with a smile. Phil smiled back.

When I walked out of the building, a whole bunch of people came out of NOWHERE to trample me! I rushed back into the building. "Oh. Heh heh. Those are your fans", Phil said. "How great", I said, monotonously. Suddenly, I heard a bunch of gunshots! Everything went silent. Then, the door just came busting down! When the dust cleared, there was my mother with two handguns. "J.! Honey, you're here!", Mom cheered and ran to hug me. "This is the LAST time I ever send you to do something by yourself! Let's go home!" Mom wouldn't even let go of me until we reached the private jet and took off. "So... how did this all start when I just sent you to take Phil to the ship?", Mom asked, when we were 10,000 feet in the air. "Ha. You won't believe me, Mom...", I started.

Epilogue (Part 4)Edit

Yes, I know I'm making this story MUCH longer than it needs to be, but I just want to add this little part to it then it's over.

Next to the private jet Mom & I were flying in, was a helicopter which held the Head Hancho and the guy! "Grrr... I don't know how those two could defeat me!", the Head Hancho growled. "Well, if it helps, I took a photo of one of the guy's bicycles", the guy said. "Phooey! What good will a stupid bike photo do?", the Head Hancho asked, took it, and threw it out the window. "I have this Sword!", he said and held the Sword of Osiris, "and I will rule the world!" That was a very foolish decision the Head Hancho did... throwing that photo out. He could have used it to track down the real bike in someone's garage and that house would have me in it. But you know villains... they never pay much attention to what's important.

Now I could tell you what's to become of the Head Hancho and the Sword, as well as the true fate of the Murderer. But right now I could REALLY use a nice pizza, so how about another time, okay? Maybe at my next birthday.

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