From the same guy who brought you The Creator's Birthday Battle! comes a new epic adventure... The Creator's Birthday Battle... 2!
One year ago...
"Now I could tell you what's to become of the Head Hancho and the Sword, as well as the true fate of the Murderer. But right now I could REALLY use a nice pizza, so how about another time, okay? Maybe at my next birthday."
Oh crud, it's my next birthday ALREADY?! Well, I guess it's time to tell you then.
Prologue (Part Dos)Edit
J. Severe and Random Kid were at the diner, chatting about business and so forth. "I'm telling you, Random, what with all the taxes nowadays, I don't think we'll be able to uphold the building anymore", J. Severe tried to explain. "But there's somewhere to have the put the stuff!", Random said. "Don't you have a basement?", J. asked. "A basement can only hold so much, y'know!", Random refused. "Then pay to make your basement BIGGER! That'll be cheaper than trying to pay the mortgage on the building!", J. advised.
"Now, now J. Let's not get too hasty. Come on, all you have to do is publish another story and we'll have enough money!", Random suggested. "I can't just write a book out of thin air, Kid! The idea has to come to me! Why do you think YOU haven't edited on SIW in such a long time!?", J. asked. "Hey, just because I have writers' block doesn't give YOU permission to use that as a lazy excuse for yourself!", Random shouted. "Oh yeah? You know what? If you want the building so much, YOU pay for it!", J. yelled. "Maybe I WILL!", Random replied.
"Look OUT!", some random lady from the back of the diner yelled. "Huh?" J. and Random looked out the window and saw a car flying through the air about to crash into them! "Aaah!" The two ducked on the ground as the car crashed through the window and rolled into the kitchen! "Whoa!", the two panted. Just then, The Boss jumped in through the window! "J.! Random! I've got bad news!", the Boss asked. "What? You lost your dentures again? Heh heh", Random chuckled. "This is no time to make fun!", the Boss retorted. "It's the perfect time to joke. A car just came crashing into here, and we're all scared out of our bloody minds. We could all use a good joke", Random Kid pointed out.
"Ugh! J., you know that you made last year on your birthday? Umm... The Creator's Birthday Battle or something?", the Boss asked. "Uh-huh. It was a hit", J. replied. "Well, the fans want more! They've compiled into a riot and now they're destroying the city, trying to find you!", the Boss explained. "So that's where the flying car came from? A bunch of outraged fans?", Random asked. "Exactly! And if we don't do what they want... o_O ... there could be blood shed!", the Boss warned. "Well, I guess we have no choice. For the good of man, we must make... a sequel!", J. said, triumphantly. "And maybe we can use the money we make to help pay for the building!", Random added. "Yeah!", J. agreed.
Just then, the group of crazed fans crashed into the diner! "We want J. Severe! We want J. Severe!", they chanted in a monotone voice. J. rushed in front. "I'M the one you want!", he shouted. The fans started to surround him. "And, uh...", he said, sweating nervously, "I'm proud to announce The Creator's Birthday Battle... uh, 2! Which will come out in a few months!", J. said. "YAY!", the crowd cheered. They picked J. up and paraded with him around town. "Aw... how come nobody picks ME up and parades with me around town...?", Random grumbled. "Well, you never write birthday stories", the Boss explained. "Oh. Well... I know what I'm going to in March."
A few months later...
J. Severe and Random Kid are walking into a theater room, popcorn, soda, nachos, and candy in hand. "Oh boy, this is going to be great!", Random cheered. He and J. sat in the front row. The Boss, Ashley, Jordan, A. Louis, SpongeWriter, and numerous other of their Wikia friends joined them. "Aw man, I can hardly wait! Eeeeek!", Ashley squealed. "Geez, Ashley, I haven't seen you this excited since they announced the Twilight: Breaking Dawn movie was going to be in two parts", Jordan noticed. "I still say they copied that decision from the last Harry Potter movie!", SpongeWriter added. "Harry who?!", A. Louis butted in. "Guys, shut up! The movie's about to start!", J. yelled.
The first trailer: Joel Severe thinks that learning about slavery in Social Studies class is boring! However, he's in for a surprise when a magical spirit whisks him back to the 1800s, where he's a slave! Now, teaming up with a female slave named Angie, Joel must go on a grand adventure, escaping his plantation, dodging assassins and slave catchers, to get to the North, and then back home! Will he make it there alive? Or will he be subject to the slew of racism that was controlling the nation at the time? Find out in... A Black History Month Tale! Now on the wiki!
"How much money did the Anti-Racism club pay you to write that, J.?", Random asked. "Eh, a good amount. Anyway, hush! It's starting now!", J. Severe advised.
(On a black screen, the words (typed in a handwriting-like font) Joel Severe Wiki and Wikia Central present... J. Severe in The Creator's Birthday Battle! ... 2!)
I hastily jumped out the window and landed on the concrete ground! I looked up and saw the murderer peeking out the window. He looked around, and then spotted me below! I got up and made a mad dash! He jumped out the window and chased after me, shooting with his pistol! I summoned my Penblade and quickly deflecting the bullets! I dashed into the darkness, hoping he wouldn't see me. I panted. "Where are you, J.? I know you're in here!", the murderer shouted, coming into the darkness. I gulped, praying in my mind that he wouldn't find me. Just then, I felt something cold on my neck. It was a gun. O_O!
"Ah, here you are!", he cackled. I tried to run away, but he tripped me to the ground and pointed the pistol at me! "Any last words?", he asked. "Yes...", I muttered, "Don't shoot!" "Nah, I think I'll take that suggestion with a grain of salt! Heh heh... you know what I have to say...?", the murderer asked. I remained silent. "DO YOU?!!!", he yelled. "N-no!", I cried. "I say... Happy birthday!", he shouted. "No, anything but happy b-- happy birthday?", I asked, confused. "Happy, happy birthday, may all your dreams come true! Happy, happy birthday, we wish the best for you!", the murderer sang. "What the heck have you been drinking...?", I asked. The murderer pulled out a kazoo and blew it. FPOOOOO!!!!
Just then, I woke up from my ruined dream and found EVERYONE in my family, and my friends, at the bed, staring me in the eye. "Um... whoa. Why is everyone crowding around me?", I asked. "Because it's your BIRTHDAY, silly!", Mom pointed out. "I'm aware of that. But uh... can't y'all celebrate a few feet from my bed? A brother needs space", I suggested. "Huh? Oh. Back up everyone, the birthday boy needs space!", Mom yelled. "Don't refer to me as birthday boy, Mom. I find it offensive", I replied. "Oh, I see. Sounds a bit little for your age, eh? What about... birthday dude? Birthday guy? Birthday rappuh? Birthday bruddah? Birthday gangsta!?", Mom suggested. "Mother, please!", I begged.
"Okay, guys! Let's pile out and let the guy get dressed!", Mom suggested. "I love you, J.!", some random chick in the group of people shouted. "Hey, back away, wannabe! He's MINE!", another girl argued. "No, you may THINK, he's yours, but he's not", the first girl replied. "You wanna fight about it?", the second girl growled. "Please, I'm-a beat you, throw ya sorry corpse out the window, AND marry J.!", the first girl taunted. The second girl tackled the first girl to the ground and they rolled into the hallway, battling it out. "Um... that's very... interesting...", I muttered.
After executing my morning routine, I went downstairs and sat at the kitchen table. It seems that my favorite breakfast meal has been prepared, chocolate waffles with eggs, bacon, sausage, and a cup of orange juice. "Wow! This is great!", I said, stuffing the food into my face. Just then, all the lights in the house turned off. "What the --?", I stammered. Just then, a single lights turned on, and Ashley, decked out in some weird dress-type gear, went into it. "It's... your... birthday!", she sang. Some guy in the back of the room strummed a guitar. "It's... that... day of the year again... Where you're one year older..." "One year OLDER...", some unseen chorus in the background sang.
"Where you're one year closer to death... and wrinkles and hemorrhoids, and back pain! Since that's gonna stink, we're celebrating you now, before you become an old hag!", she went on. "Before you become an old hag...", the chorus added. Was this supposed to make this feel better? Just then, Jordan jumped into the light, in a suit, and swinging a cane. "It's that time of year again...", he sang like Frank Sinatra. "Do-do-do!", went the chorus. "Where the spot... lights... on YOU! Where you're all we care about, you're the one on our mind! If the world was ending, we wouldn't give a dang, cuz alll our eyes are on you!" "Bo-dee-doo-doo!" "All our minds are on you!" "Bo-dee-doo-doo!" "And... so we're singing this song to you!", Ashley sang to a high pitch.
Random Kid, who was the guy strumming the guitar, came into the light. "Ba-dee-dah-dee-dah-dee! Yo birthday! It's that time of the year where WE say: what a swell guy you are, ya tan-skinned... freak!" o_O! "We're running out of lyrics!", Random sang. "And our voices are hurtin'!", Ashley added. "And now we're gonna start a kick line...", Jordan sang. "Led by Random Giiiiirrl!", the chorus sang. Just then, Random Girl and a bunch of other random chicks in tight outfits came into the light and started kickin' like the Rockettes. "It's that time of year! Where we all cheer! With cakes and confetti... and every one dear! The swell and young writer, the great hero here! It's May 1st again, there's no reason to fear! Because it's the birthday... of J-Dot Severe!", the kickline sang.
Just when I thought this couldn't get randomer, A. Louis and SpongeWriter, also decked out in suits, came into the spotlight and started tap-dancing! Dah-dah-dah-dee-dahdeedahdah-dah-dah-dee-dah-dot-dee-dee-dah! Random Kid strummed his guitar some more. Now all the lights in the house came on, revealing some hundred people in my dining room now dancing. "It's the birthday... of J... Suh... Vere!" There were folks doing cartwheels, adults popping bottles of champagne, and other random stuff that were completely unexpected! Then, after Random plunked the final note, everyone stopping in their tracks, and the performance was over.
"Um... wow. That was... interesting...", I said, not even knowing what to say. Right then, a bunch of chatter started, and people went back to their dressing rooms and stuff, which was weird, because there WERE no dressing rooms on the floor. I then noticed that extra doors were in the hallway, and I was wondering where they all had time to organize this. "Alright, folks, take five, and we'll run it through again in a few minutes!", the director shouted through a bullhorn. "Isn't that awesome, J.? This guy was on his way to Broadway when his truck broke down here last night, and we got him to chereograph this whole shtick here for you", my older brother noted. Well, that explained a lot.
Just then, I heard the familiar sound of a "honk" outside. It was the bus! I remembered that just because it was my birthday didn't mean I could ditch my responsibilities as a student. I quickly dumped the rest of my breakfast into my mouth and dashes for the living room! I grabbed my jacket, quickly put it on, and snatched my bookbag, which I put on. I dashed out the door. "We'll open the presents later!", Mom called. I jumped into the bus, and took a seat. The door closed, and we took off.
A short trip later, we stopped at the school. I got off the bus and entered the building. The first thing that awaited me when I walked inside was the school bully. Note that I said "thing" not "person." That's because I wasn't sure whether he was a human, because that guy acted like a BEAST! "So... it's ya birthday, eh fool?", the bully asked. I gulped. He grabbed me by the neck and stuffed me in the locker. "Come on, guys, let's give me his well-earned... birthday punches..." The school bully and his cronies started pounding me in the locker, and once they were done (which was when I was on the verge of death), they shut the locker door and locked me in.
I wasn't found until hours later, when a custodian happened to be cleaning the outsides of lockers and noticed a guy inside of one. Once I was free, I glanced at my watch -- it was time for gym. RING!, went the bell. All the kids barged out of their classes and into the hallway! I made my way to my locker (which had been cleaned. ^.^) and deposited my stuff in it. After that, I made my way to the boys' locker room and started getting dressed in my gym clothes. Little did I know, the upcoming game of dodgeball would change my life...
"Okay, kids! Let's split up for dodgeball!", the coach yelled, "School bully, you'll be the leader of one team, J. Severe, since it's your birthday, you're the captain of the other." All the buff kids went on the school bully's team, and I was stuck with a bunch of shmucks. Also, I noticed on school bully's team, there were a bunch of weird kids I had never seen before. Were they new? "Ready...!", the coach shouted, dumping dodgeballs on the court, "set... GO!" All the kids scrambled for balls! However, the buff kids were faster, and they grabbed the balls, and chucked them at the kids on MY team before they could even turn around from trying to get a ball and retreat!
All the while, I was keeping my eyes on the mysterious new kids. However, at the same time, they were keeping their eyes on ME! They started picking up dodgeballs and chucking them at me!