Another Life Story that tells the tale of J. Severe. NOTE: This story is taken from the user page of J. Severe at Wikipedia.
My Life StoryEdit
NOTE: The following story isn't exactly 100% true. Any strange, eerie, or somewhat evil resemblance to stuff that actually happened is either a sign that the world is coming to an end or it could just be purely coincedential. I'll take my chances with the "End of the World" one.
It was a certain year. I can't tell you exactly WHAT year, that's secret, but at least you can imagine if you have a mind... or else you're some idiot with an empty shell of a head. Anyway, that year, my Dad waited anxiously outside the birth room. Inside, my Mom was straining with agony. Inside her stomach, I was accupying myself with Game Boys, e.t.c. Then.. POP! I was taken from my Pokemon game to the outside world. Mother and Father brang me to a mysterious vehicle which I classified as an "automobile", or "car" as the common citizen says. From then on, I lived in a "house", abbreviated as "home" or "crib" as the ones called "gangsters", or in slang "gangstas" state. I attended a teaching ministry or "school", from Preschool/Pre-K (or Pre-Kindergarten) up til my final year as a Senior in High School. Along the way, I met Tucker (or "Tuck" as he preferred to be called and we became best friends). Samantha, or "Sam" be her nickname, a nickname being a shorter version of a regular name, of the gender "G.I.R.L." also joined our party. After the graduation of the previously stated higher school, we attended New York University which was fortunately right next to my home, so I could visit my parents in the any time of my wishing. Then, my journey began.
The extra-terrestials, or "aliens" be they called, who resided in the furthest quarters of outer space, the vast area outside Earth, the planet that we the human species take residence, were searching for a specific item in which they could use to rule the world, the world which was ironically OUR world, because these aliens happened to be evil aliens. Now don't get me wrong, not all aliens are evil, but just these aliens, a small percentage of all the aliens that live without our knowing, were evil and in the wishing to dominate all mankind. Why? Maybe it was because their shoes were screwed on too tight, or their hearts were two times too small, I do not know. Whatever the reason, they searched for an item that would most certainly allow them to rule the world, and finally they found said item: Me. I don't know how they found out it was I, but I learned about all this on CNN but CNN being the worst news channel in News Channel History of course did not give all the details and I am left without the specific details of how, when, and why said aliens found out that the ultimate item needed to conquer the world was indeed, I, me, and my.
The aliens, those being the evil aliens that I previously being spoke of that wished to conquer humankind, set courses for Earth to use me to somehow conquer the world. I was in Advanced Math class when a precarious BAM! was heard outside. I, being the most curious about said "BAM!" raced outside before all others and was indeedly shocked by the crashed alien spacecraft implanted on the hard, concrete floor. This was immediately classified on CBS, FOX, ABC, CNN (I hate you!) as a definite alien invasion. I did not know that the aliens were after me at first until that night when the first alien strike took its toll.
I was sleeping, sleeping being a state of rest, when I was abducted, or kidnapped as to say, by the aliens, who were wishing to take over the world, and I was the only item standing in their way - the way of world domination, which they, they being aliens, evil aliens actually, wrongfully chose. As I was previously, previously being before as in the past, saying, the evil aliens kidnapped me and brought me to Area 51, the headquarters for extra-terrrestreals and the scientists who study them. All the scientists were absent, most likely vacationing in the Bahamas for unknown reasons, meaning that I was the only being of human desent in said Area. I woke up from my state of rest and found myself in a tube, a tube filled with green liquid. My first thought was "WHAT THE HECK --" but of course we must be more civilized than that, oh yes, so instead I said "How peculiar. Where might I be?" It was then that the Chief, Chief being the leader, the Chief Alien spoke up in a somewhat evil like voice, "You, J. Severe, are the key." "The key? The key to what?", I asked. "The key to our ruling of the world. You see... your heart is strong. Stronger than most others. So strong that it has a power of its own. A power that can be used for good or evil depending on which its owner chooses", the Chief explained. "Well then, I choose to use my heart's power for good", I said, quite heroicly. "We were afraid of that. So we formulated a backup plan. We are going to rip your heart out." "Rip... my hearts out? You can't do that! Why.. then I'd..." "Die. Yes. But that would not matter to us. The power, not the owner matters to us. Once we gain control of the heart, we shall despose of you. Cast your lifeless body away... like an old glove." "No! You can't! I won't let you! My heart is mine, and no one else will gain control of it!" "Ha ha ha. You ignorant fool. Your race is insolent against mine. We shall surely crush you. The more confident your heart is, the more power it will gain more power. More valuable to us. Go ahead, be a hero. The more strength for us." At that point, I was unconfident as to whether I would win or lose. Then it hit me - the more confident my heart is, the more power it has. But the more discouraged I am...
But of course, the only way to save the world, believe it or not, was to believe that I could indeed NOT do it. I replied to the Chief, "Yes. You are right. I cannot do anything. I am a failure. A fool..." The Chief chuckled and laughed, "Ha! You finally understand. Evil DOES pay! The whole world shall cower to the mighty wrath of the Alien! Mwah ha ha!" Then, one of the Chief's assistants walked up to him and told him the whole story about what would happen if I wasn't confident. "What? No.. no. Uh, hee hee. J. Severe, remember when I said you would lose. Apparently, I was wrong. You WILL win." "No. What difference will it make? You said it yourself, I will cower to your mighty wrath." "No, please! Believe me! You will win! You shall be victorious!" Then, I decided to step it up a notch. "NO! IT'S ALL LIES! I AM A LOSER! A FOOL! I DESERVE TO DIE! I HAVE NO USE FOR I SHALL NEVER WIN!" "You... you are convinced. There is no turning back. Go ahead. Leave. We have no use for you and your discouraged heart. The aliens' plan has failed." "What use is for me to leave? If I'm a loser..." "GO!" "Okay. Yeesh." As I edged the door I said something I regretted a second later: "The joke is on you. You are so gullible. I was just playing. My hearts was as confident as ever." Well then the Chief commanded his army to seize me. They were really fast because before my hand touched the doorknob, they had already caught me. Maybe I should have saved my talk for later but it was too late. I was back in the tube and a large claw was nearing toward me. Its destination: my heart.
After that, I was sure that I was done for. Down and out. But just at the nick of time, I dodged the claw and it hit the glass, causing it to shatter. I could escape but I needed a distraction for the army, because they could catch up to me in a heartbeat. I grabbed the claw and threw it toward the Chief. The claw struck him and I guess started absorbing his heart - if he has one, I don't know if aliens have hearts. Heart or not, the army raced to the Chief's side, and I took that opportunity to hightail it out of there. I ran as fast as I could and I didn't stop til I got to the police station. I explained the whole thing to the officers and we raced back to Area 51, but the aliens had escaped.
When I returned to my home town, I was regarded as a hero. I had saved the world from what might have been a horrible sight. I received the Noble Prize and my own article on Wikipedia. I went to check Wikipedia for my article and I saw how well they had published the story of my life. I wanted to become a part of the Wikipedia team so I set up my own account and user page, which you are now reading. It's been a good life, let's see where it takes me next...
Written by J. Severe
Directed by J. Severe
Produced by J. Severe
J.Severe as Himself
The Townspeople as Themselves
The Chief Alien as His Evil Self
The Aliens as the Chief Alien's dimwitted yet quick lackeys
The Police as Helpful Workers who Assisted me in Random Stuff
Copyright - 2009 by Wikipedia's Weird yet Wordy Productions