The Poor Boy: Teacher Trouble is the first installment in the Poor Boy series.
A Regular MorningEdit
It was a normal morning. Before class started, all the kids would gather outside for morning recess. As Dave & Frank were walking quietly across the perimeters, they noticed an eerie presence. "Frank, do you sense an eerie presence?", Dave asked. "No. I more likely feel that someone's trying to get a jump on us", Frank said. "No... an eerie presence!", Dave corrected. "Jump on us", Frank argued. "Eerie presence!" "Jump on us!" "Eerie presence!!" "Jump on us!!" "Don't mind if we do!", a creepy voice added. "What the ---?!" Suddenly, two carnivorous creatures came running out of nowhere and rammed into Dave & Frank!
Dave & Frank hit the concrete ground with a "THUD!" "Ugh...", the two muttered in pain. "Heh heh heh", the creepy voices chuckled. 'Twas Matt & Natt, the two most feared kids of the grade! "Y-you!", Frank realized. "Yeah, it's us. What 'cha gonna do about it?", Matt asked. Frank ran up to Matt who punched him in the stomach and tripped him on the ground! Dave got up and ran to Mike. "Ahhh... doo-kin!", Natt yelled and tackled Dave to the ground! As the two friends lay on the ground, withering in pain, the two bullies strode away with pride.
A Regular ClassEdit
When Dave entered the class and was about to sit in the seat, he was approached by Dilson. Dilson poked Dave on the shoulder and ran away, laughing maniacally and his neck fat rumbling profusely. "?", thought Dave. He sat down next to Jerry. "Hey there, PAL!", Jerry said, snuffing Dave in the arm. "Ow! What was that for?!", Dave asked, angrily. "What? All I did was this." Then he slowly tapped Dave with his fist gently. "There. Did that hurt?", Jerry replied, with a sly smile on his face. Dave ignored him and went on with his work. He pulled out a piece of paper and started drawing his signature comics.
Once he was done, he looked up and stared at his work - a job well done. "Dave, come up here", the teacher called. "Huh?", Dave muttered, snapping back to reality. It was 9:00, a half hour after school started. There was a stack of math papers on Dave's desk that he was to complete. He looked around and saw everyone done and reading a book. "Dave, did you hear me? I said come UP!", the teacher rudely called again. Dave got up from his chair and walked over to the teacher's desk. On his way, he passed Mark, who said "Say Dave, did you bring an egg sandwich today?" "Calm down, little man", Dave replied. Mark punched him in the stomach.
Dave flew back, nearly hitting the chalkboard. "Dave... get over here!", the teacher said, barely containing her anger. Dave walked over to her, wondering what punishment she'd betroth to him now. "Dave... would you kindly tell the class why you were doodling instead of working?", she said. "Um... well I-I ---" "FACE THE CLASS!" Dave faced the class. "Er... I was drawing a comic...", Dave started. "About egg sandwiches?!", Mark shouted out loud. Everyone started laughing obnoxiously. Dave just stood in the shadows, taking in the humiliation.
When the laughter was done, the teacher told Dave he had detention today. Dave sadly sulked back to his seat, where he found his comic wrinkled up into a little ball. When Dave opened it, all his artwork had been squibbled over with the "DOO-WAAAH!"
Why Dave was Treated SoEdit
No one quite knows why Dave was treating so poorly. Was it because they were all jealous of him? Or they just despised him for no reason? No one truly knows the answer. Some people ridicule what he eats. Once seeing an image of a neatly prepared omelet sandwich in a Burger King coupon book, Dave decided to replicate it. The plan did not go accordingly, and Dave was left with a soggy egg full of cheese splattered between two slices of Whole Grain bread. Dave was forced to take it to school for snack, and when his classmates saw him eating such a thing, he was the laughingstock of the class.
Some people ridicule what he says. Dave writes stories and draws comics in which 1.) When a person is in danger, they shout "DOO-WAH!" 2.) Sometimes "boy" is pronounced "boahy" in harsh conversation and 3.) Bad guys are often called "fools." The class somehow thinks this is humorous and they often taunt Dave using these words.
Frank is also ridiculed for this also, since he hangs out with Dave, but he has learned to get used to it, while Dave cannot and is easily irritated. Frank has also learned the Way of the Cool and is popular among cooler kids unlike "Dave the Nerdy Dork." In this sense, Dave is probably the most outcast person you'll ever meet, even insulted by such people as the extremely fat Dill.
A Regular Lunch and
Soon, after some more mind-numbing humiliation, it was time for lunch. Dave got on the line to order his food, with Dill behind him. "Hey there, Egg Man!", he insulted. "Hey there, Fat Idiot", Dave retorted. Dill ran in front of Dave. "What did you call me?", he asked, angrily. "You know what I called you, King Kong", Dave replied. "I'm NOT fat!", Dill yelled. "Oh yeah? Wait, wait..." Dave smacked Dill's hand as the arm fat jiggled profusely. "Ha ha!", Dave laughed. Dill smacked Dave across the face! Dave flew back, crashing into some innocent student's lunch and splattering it all over the two. "Yo! What in the world is wrong with you?", the student asked in rage. "Hey", Dave started, "It wasn't ---" The student stomped on Dave's foot. "Yooooow!", Dave shrieked. "Hey, hey! Time OUT!", the aide yelled, running onto the scene, "Who started this?" Everyone pointed at Dave. "What? No! I - I.. It's not true! Nooo!", Dave yelled as the aide dragged him to the Principal's office. When Dave's screaming was no longer heard, Dill faced the cafeteria lady and asked for double-lunch.
The aide threw Dave into the office and locked the door from the outside. "No! No! Please, you've made a mistake!", Dave pleaded, "Don't leave me in here with this ---!" "This what?", a deep voice asked. Dave gulped and turned around. There he was... the biggest, meanest, and hairiest Principal you ever did see... Mr. Ben. "Er... uh... this extremely handsome and kind principal!", Dave lied and formed a crooked smile. "What did you do this time, Dave?", Mr. Ben asked, annoyed. "It wasn't me! It was Dilson! He's such a ---!", Dave tried to explain. "It's always about Dilson, eh? If you can't get along with him, why don't you just ignore him?", Mr. Ben suggested. "You can't ignore HIM! He's so big and annoying, you just can't get rid of 'im! I'm at my wits' end!", Dave complained. "Dave, you've been sent here five times this week... and it's only Tuesday. If you keep this up, I'm gonna have to call your parents", Mr. Ben said. Dave dreaded that thought. The thought that if Dad heard he'd been sent to the Principal's office (five times in two days at that), he'd throw a fit! "I'll be good...", Dave muttered. He wasn't sure he could keep that promise though.
Meanwhile, back in the classroom, the Teacher was losing her patience. "Where the heck is Dave?! He was supposed to be here with his lunch..." The Teacher checked her watch. "... 1 second ago! If I have to wait a few more, oh-ho, that boy's gonna GET it!"
A few seconds later...
"That's it, he's gonna get it!", the teacher exploded in a fit of rage and burst through the classroom door into the hallway.
"Now Dave, why don't you finish your lunch and go outside", Mr. Ben suggested. "Er, I can't. I...", Dave started. "Eat your lunch and go outside or else you're EXPELLED!", Mr. Ben ordered. "Ugh... okay", Dave reluctantly said and left the room. Meanwhile, the teacher was racing down the stairs, determined to catch Dave in his detention-skipping acts. As Dave entered the cafeteria to get his lunch, he found that everyone had left already. The only people left were the lunch ladies. "Um... hello!", Dave called over the vast emptiness of the room. A lunch lady looked at Dave and her eyes grew wide. "It's YOU! The boy who makes the kids drop our wonderfully prepared food!", she yelled. "It's not my fault! There's this ---", Dave tried to explain. "Silence! The cafeteria is closed for you!", she ended and slammed the door to the kitchen. "Oh...", Dave sighed, held his head down in shame and left the room.
Dave came to the hallway. On the left, all he had to do was walk down to the door to the blacktop. On the right, he had to walk down to the stairs, then climb up to his classroom. Dave looked at the door to the outside. "No... I have to serve my detention", Dave thought. But before he could shift his direction to do what was right, the Teacher caught up with him! "Ah-ha!", the Teacher yelled triumphantly. "Aah!", Dave yelled, quite startled. "Thought you could skip detention and go outside, eh boy?", the Teacher said. "No, you don't understand. I was gonna ---", Dave tried to explain. "Shush. You have detention for the rest of the week", the Teacher said, grabbing Dave's arm and lugging him back to the classroom.
Whilst Dave was stuck in the room writing "I WILL NOT DRAW DURING CLASS" repeatedly on the board, Mr. Ben went outside to monitor the kids and their playing to make sure everything was all right. Everything was all right, but he noticed one thing missing. "Where's Dave? I told him to go outside and play. He must be inside, walking all over the school, unattended! Oh-ho, that boy is SO expelled!", Mr. Ben muttered under his breath.
A Regular After-School BrawlEdit
At dismissal, Dave and Frank went outside. "Come on, it can't be that bad", Frank tried to reassure him. "Easy for you to say. You NEVER get in trouble. It's like I'm trouble-prone. Something bad always happens to me", Dave said. "Well, you gotta keep your chin up. Tomorrow's a brand new day", Frank said, triumphantly. "Yeah... it IS a brand-new day! It is! I'm Dave and I will not lose hope!", Dave shouted in joy. Just then, Dave was brutally pushed out of nowhere and into a giant puddle of mud! "Heh heh heh!", a random young boy snickered. "Jorgen! You!", Frank said, pointing at the boy. "Uh-oh!", the boy named Jorgen muttered and made a run for it! "Get back here you little twerp!", Frank commanded and chased after him.
Dave got up from the puddle, his clothes and backpack all drenched in oozing mud. "Hey look! Dave the Dork just fell into a puddle of mud! Let's all laugh at him!", some mean teen suggested. Everyone within 10 feet of Dave started laughing uncontrollably. Dave hung his head down in shame and walked away. All that he had left was... oh wait, he didn't have his dignity. So he didn't have anything left, I guess. Dave sadly sulked on by, passing by a popular Frank who was in deep conversation with a group of unknown girls. "So, I was like, Boy, you better get that thing out of my face before I kick your - huh?", Frank started. He saw Dave strolling along in shame. "Er, uno momento, ladies. I've got to comfort that poor soul over there", Frank explained. "Oh... you're so nice and kind", some girl complimented. "Yeah, well, I'm just doin' my job", Frank said and went over to Dave's side.
"Hey there, buddy. Sorry I couldn't catch Jorgen. There was just a group of beautiful gals over there and I just had to enchant them. No harm was done, right?", Frank asked. He looked at Dave's mud-encrusted outfit. "Oh... you might want to wash that", Frank replied. "What do I do to deserve this? I didn't do anything wrong", Dave lamented. "Well, maybe you get treated like this for a reason. Maybe you're here to teach the world a lesson about being nice to people, like that guy all the Christians talk about", Frank said. "I doubt it's that. Everyone just hates me", Dave lamented. "I don't hate you", Frank realized. Dave looked at Frank. "I mean, sure, you're draggin' down my popularity and I had to abandon a bunch of chicks to assist your sad side, but ---", Frank tried to explain, "... I'm not helping, am I?" "No. No, you are not", Dave answered. Suddenly, a giant shadow appeared in front of the two. "Hey... what's ---?" BAMMM!!!
Dave and Frank lay on the ground, writhing in pain, as Matt & Natt stood over them with evil smirks on their faces. "Hey there, nerds. So how was that?", Matt asked. "It was very painful", Dave answered. "No, dimwad. He meant, was that awesome how we snuck up behind y'all and ambushed ya?", Natt asked, angrily. "They know what I meant! Dave was just being a rude dork, is what he was being!", Matt yelled. "You don't need to yell at me!", Natt yelled back and pushed Matt. "Don't push me!", Matt yelled and pushed Natt. "I'll push whoever I want whenever I want!", Natt yelled and pushed Matt. Matt swung at Natt! Natt ducked and tackled Matt to the ground! Matt kicked him off and punched Natt in the stomach! Natt flew back and hit a tree! Matt swung his leg at Natt! Natt caught Matt's leg and swung him over into the sand! Matt got up and spit sand out of his mouth. "You're gonna pay for this!", Matt shouted. "Bring it, dimwad!", Natt encouraged. Matt headbutted into Natt! Natt jumped over the slide and landed face-first on the concrete! Matt jumped up and went to elbow the vulnerable Natt! Natt rolled over as Matt hit the ground and hurt his elbow!
"Heh heh! I am the champ! In your face!", Natt gloated. "So? You won by rolling away like a coward, not punching me like a man!", Matt taunted. "Is that a rematch?", Natt asked. "Maybe it is!", Matt replied. "Well, I'd agree, but the nerds are running away!", Natt pointed out. "Huh?", Matt asked, turning around. Dave & Frank were trying to make an inconspicuous escape from the clutches of Matt & Natt. "Get them!", Matt & Natt yelled and lunged at Dave & Frank! Natt tackled Dave to the ground! "Waaah!", Dave yelled. Hearing Dave's scream, Frank turned around and saw Matt about to snuff him! "Whoa!", Frank exclaimed as he dodged Matt's fist at the last second. Matt turned around and went face-to-face with Frank! Matt swung ferociously at Frank numerous times! Frank blocked all the hits, until Matt got him in the stomach! Dave bent his back forward, his arms against the damaged stomach. Matt kneed him in the face and threw him on the ground! Matt turned around to see Natt kick the helpless Dave on the ground. "Mind if I join in?", Matt asked. "Be my guest", Natt said. And Matt & Natt took pleasure in repeatedly kicking the injuring Dave for the next half-minute!
"Hey!", a female voice shouted. Matt & Natt turned around. Some random kid's mother was edging towards the two bullies. "Why are you kicking that poor kid on the ground?", she asked. "Er...", Matt stammared. He and Natt quickly made a run for the exit, away from school grounds, like the fools they were! "Are you okay?", the lady asked, helping Dave up. "I guess", Dave said, brushing the excess sand off him, "I've just not been having a good day." "I can see that. You know, if they keep bothering you, you should tell the Principal", the lady suggested. "Yeah, I'll take that into consideration", Dave replied. If I tell on them, that just GUARANTEES that they'll beat me up some more Dave thought. "Now, you be good now, y'hear?", the lady asked. "Sure", Dave agreed, and started to walk away. A few feet from him, Frank was in the center of yet another girl circle, astounding them with his tales of wonder and whatnot.
A New Idea!Edit
As Dave was walking home, he was in deep thought. What was he thinking about, you ask? Well... He was just thinking how mistreated he was. How people ridicule him, mock him, SPIT on him, and in the case of Jorgen, push him to the ground. There was so much injustice in the world, nowadays. There was nothing that he could do... But that was it! That was the key word! HE couldn't do anything! But someone else could. The teachers! Yes, the teachers! Even though the teachers were even more mean than the other kids, they had power! Yes... "Heh heh heh", Dave chuckled. That was it! "I know what I'll do! l'll do what I'm great at doing! Write! I'll write a list of all the people who've done me wrong! Yes, heh heh... then I'll give the list to the teacher. And then... Mwah ha ha! Everything will be set right! Ha ha!", Dave laughed. Now you might wonder why Dave was acting like this, thirsty for revenge? Well... well, if you had to go through what he goes through, you'll understand.
Just then, Matt appeared, walking his pit bull. "Hey there, punk!", he threatened. "Matt, I am no longer afraid of you. With a pencil and a paper, I shall write your undoing!", Dave shouted, triumphantly. "Let's see about that when I'm done beating you up", Matt replied. "Shut cho' fat mouth, boahy!", Dave shouted. "Sic 'em, boy", Matt commanded. He let go off the pit bull's leash as it charged at Dave! "Whoa!", Dave yelled and made a mad dash for his house! The dog bit Dave's shirt and climbed onto his head! "Get off!", Dave yelled and pulled the dog off him. The dog swiped at Dave! Dave threw the dog onto the street in front of an oncoming car and ran! Dave hopped over the fence guarding his house as he heard the car ram into the dog! As the dog gave its last dying breath, Dave entered his house.
The Next DayEdit
Dave woke up the next morning with a smirk on his face. "Heh heh. Today's the day! Today's the day I set things right!", Dave chuckled. He got up and walked over to the bathroom. He also saw that Dad was edging towards the room also. The two locked eyes. Soon, the two broke out into a mad dash for the bathroom. Dave jumped into the room, but Dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him on the ground! Dave slid on the floor as Dad shut the door in front of him. ZIP!, went Dad's zipper within the bathroom. "Oh. Oh! Aaaaahhhh....", Dad sighed as he used the toilet. "Ugh...", Dave growled in disgust as he trudged down the stairs.
He got dressed, then snuck downstairs and washed his face in the kitchen sink. Dave then sat down at the kitchen table. "Where's the food for me this morning, Mommy-o?", Dave asked. "What am I, your MAID?!", Mom asked, angrily. "Er... no. But you're usually the one for cooks the food for me, so --", Dave started. "Well, what if I decided NOT to cook for you today?!", Mom retorted. "Um... well I --", Dave started. "That's all you men think women can do, is housework, right?!", Mom asked, angrily. "I never said --", Dave tried to explain. "SHUT cho' mouth, ya sexist freak! I'm outta here!", Mom shouted, leaving the kitchen. "Well...", Dave stammared.
Dave decided to just get breakfast at school. He grabbed his backpack and went on his way. While walking to school, Dave encountered Frank. "Hey there, dude. How's it going?", Frank asked. "It's going excellently. I've formulated a grand plan. You see, I'm going to write down the names of all who've done me wrong, and submit it to the teacher, who will handle them with strict disciplinary measures", Dave chuckled. "So... you're snitching", Frank summed it up. "Wha-- what?! No! It's not snitching if some folks are insulting you greatly and beating you 'til you bleed, and you decide to tell an adult", Dave explained. "Who cares, man? It's all the same to me", Frank muttered. "So, if some guy threatened to stab you, you wouldn't tell anyone?", Dave asked. "Well, the guy'd probably kill me before I get to escape", Frank pointed out. Dave grimaced.
Soon, Dave and Frank reached the blacktop at the school. Dave spotted Matt & Natt, then went to approach them. "What? Chu' crazy, Dave? Walking up to Matt & Natt... voluntarily?! That's like walking up to the Grim Reaper!", Frank cautioned. "Don't worry, Frank. I wouldn't put my life on the line if I didn't have a good reason", Dave said. He walked up to Matt & Natt. "Hey there, idiots. What are ya doin', touchin' each other's butts?", Dave asked. Matt & Natt turned around, disgusted behind repair. To make a long story short, seconds later, Dave's body was on the ground, drenched in a puddle of blood!
Okay, maybe not, but he received a severe beating! Dave struggled to get up. "Ugh... the pain... the horror...", he groaned. "Toldja. Heck, not even the scythe of the Grim Reaper is that gruesome!", Frank corrected. "I'll... add them... to the list...", Dave groaned, "... after I... regain consciousness... oh!" Dave dropped down on the ground, again.
The Master Plan Goes Horribly Wrong!Edit
Numerous hours later, Dave was in class, and he had been tortured by various other people, whom he had written down. "Heh heh. The smell of sweet revenge", he cackled maniacally. "Dave!", the teacher called out. "Huh?", stammared Joel. "What are you writing?", she asked. "Uh...", Dave muttered, glancing at the board. "My math notes!", Dave blurt out. "Hmm...", the teacher hummed under her breath, suspicious of Dave, and continued writing on the board. Joel continued his list.
"Hey, Dave. Can I see that?", Frank asked, who was sitting right next to him, referring to the list. "Okay", Dave replied, seeing no harm in this, and handed it over to Frank. Frank looked over it. It read: "Dave's List You Don't Want to Be On", and underneath was a list of people who had tormented Dave, including (of course) Matt & Natt, Dill - a large, and I mean LARGE, kid who is extremely cocky and rude , Isabella - a girl who often insults and fights Dave, as well as many others. Jerry, who was also on this list for being a brutal maniac, sat by Frank, and wanted to see this list of which Frank was reading.
"Yo, Frank. Can I see that?", Jerry asked. "Erm... well --", Frank started. "Gimme that!", Jerry growled, grabbing the list from Frank's arms. Hearing Jerry's grumble, the teacher turned around, and saw Frank & Jerry having a tug-of-war over the paper! "Hey!", the teacher yelled. Frank & Jerry froze. "What's this?", she asked. "A-a list...", Frank muttered. "Let me see that", the teacher said, edging closer towards the two. Dave gulped nervously.
The teacher snatched the paper from Frank's hands and went up to her desk. She wrote Frank and Jerry's names on the board, then, after taking a quick glance at the paper once more, put Dave's name there, too. Dave wondered if the teacher would understand what the list was about, and then the trouble-doers wouldst be brought to justice, or if the teacher indeed did not have a heart, and would get Dave in immense trouble. Sadly though, it was the latter.
As the day went on, some kid was able to see what was on the paper from the teacher's desk and blabbered about it to the class in his/her spare time. Upon learning this, the class automatically went to blame Dave for being kids' names on the list. "Oh, so you're going and putting down kids' names, huh?", some boy asked. "Yes, those were the names of kids who've been mean to me", Dave explained. "Yeah, sure. TATTLETALE!", the boy insulted before walking away.
"I thought I could trust you, Dave", some girl said. "Wait, you don't understand --", Dave tried to explain. "I'm on that list, aren't I, Dave?", a gruff voice asked from behind. Dave turned around and saw a stomach. He looked up and saw the face of Dilson! "Dill! Er... well, you see ---", Dave tried to explain. Isabella came up to Dave and slapped him! "The nerve of you, ya stupid snitch!", she growled. "You don't under---", Dave started. "TATTLETALE!", some kid started to chant, "TATTLETALE! TATTLETALE! TATTLETALE!" Soon, the whole class chimed in on this. "TATTLETALE! TATTLETALE! TATTLETALE!" Dave covered his ears and tried to escape the kids' chants.
Dave ran into the hallway and bumped into the teacher! "Gasp, gasp! The Teacher! Please, help me! The class! They're showering me in harmful criticisms!", Dave begged. The teacher gave Dave a murderous look and said, "I never thought you'd do such a thing, Dave." "What? No! You don't understand! It's not what you think!", Dave tried to explain. "I'm done talking to you...", the teacher said, disappearing into the darkness. "No! Listen to me! Someone listen to me!", Dave shouted. Dave found himself in a world of darkness. The darkness was closing in on him! "No! No, please! You don't understand! You fail to comprehend! No....!", Dave yelled as his voice faded off into the distance.
"No... no... WAH!", Dave shouted as he woke up. "Huh?" He picked his head up. He was in class. Turned out that was all a dream. Okay, so only the part with the darkness closing in was a dream, but everything before that was real. "Is this how you repay me, Dave? First, you write a list in the middle of class, insulting my students, and now you fall asleep?!", the teacher growled. "But, I --", Dave started. "Shut up!", the teacher shouted, "I ---" RRIINNGG!! The bell rang, signalizing that class was over. As students poured out of the room, Dave tried to escape among them, but the teacher noticed him and said, "Come here, Dave."
Dave gulped and edged towards the teacher. "Yes?", he asked, very afraid. "Regarding that list...", he started. "This will NOT be good", Dave thought. "... I will make three copies of it. One copy will go to the Principal, another copy will be mailed to your parents, and another will be placed in your permanent record." "What?! No! You don't understand!", Dave shouted, shedding a tear, "That was a list of people who have tortured ME; I'm not supposed to get in trouble for it! They are!" "Shut cho' mouth, boahy!", the teacher retorted, standing in front of him.
"I am the authority here, and what I say shall be done! Do you hear me?", the teacher asked. Dave did not respond, too disgusted at her to even say anything. "Do you HEAR ME?!!!", the teacher yelled. "No, I'm deaf!", Dave retorted, then dashed out of the room as fast as he could.
Outside, Dave caught up to Frank. "Hey, Dave, did you hear? Me and Jerry get off scot-free! Ain't that grand? How about you?", Frank asked, happily. "One copy of the list goes to the Principal, another to my parents, and a third in my permanent record", Dave lamented. "Ooh, that's bad. Oh well, your problem. Maybe you shouldn't have named it 'The List You Don't Want to Be On.' Made it sound like you were gonna kill the people on the list or something", Frank joked.
Dave grimaced. "Well, looks like you won't live. Sorry to hear that. Too bad you can't just get back those copies of the list before the people who are supposed to receive them receive them. You could save your reputation by doing that", Frank suggested. " ... That's it! Frank, you're a genius!", Dave cheered. "I am? Uh... I mean, I am! Of course, I am! Er... what am I a genius for?", Frank asked. "I'll intercept the copies before they get to their destinations! That way, I don't get in trouble for no reason! It's fool-proof!", Dave explained. "Oh yeah? The list plan was fool-proof, and look how that turned out", Frank pointed out.
"Frank, can't you at least be a bit optimistic? As long as this idea goes as planned, everything will be alright! We'll get the copied list when it's mailed to my house before I parents get their hands on it, I'll snatch the other copied list from the Principal's mailbox, I'll snatch the third copied list from the files, and I'll snatch the ORIGINAL list from the teacher's desk! It's brilliant!", Dave cheered. "Okay... good luck doing that by yourself", Frank muttered. "Who said I was doing it by myself?", Dave chuckled deviously. "Oh, no...", Frank groaned.
Retrieving the Lists!Edit
"RING!", went the alarm clock. This woke Dave up on the first ring. He quickly turned off the clock. "Okay, Dave... today's the day", he said to himself. Dave executed his morning routine and went downstairs for breakfast. "Hey Mom. Hey Dad. How ya doin'?", Dave asked. "Uh... well, I guess. I'm going shopping later today", Mom announced. "Yeah, and I have work", Dad added. "So, if the mail was coming like it usually does at around 11 AM, no one would be around to get it, so if I skipped school and came here and stole the mail, then you wouldn't notice?", Dave asked. "Uh... sure...", Mom replied, suspiciously. "Excellent...", Dave chuckled in a deep, crackling voice.
While walking to school, Dave encountered Frank. "Are you sure you want to go through this?", Frank asked. "Listen, I need to get into a good college, and if the deans find this in my file, I'll be lucky if I can be a bum on the street. My reputation is at stake!", Dave shouted. "Okay, okay... But if we get in trouble, I'm blaming it all on you!", Frank said.
The two arrived at school. Whilst meandering around the blacktop, the two ran into Natt & Matt! "Yo, Dave! I hear that you put the two of us on that list!", Matt growled. "Yes. Yes, I did. You two are constant antagonists in my life and as such --" BAMM! Natt punched him in the face! Dave hit the ground and writhed in pain. The two bullies glanced at Frank. "Hey, I didn't do NOTHING to you guys! Don't look at me!", Frank resisted. "Yeah... but you're just fun to beat up", Matt replied. BAMM! Frank hit the ground! "Remind me why I'm still friends with you...", Frank groaned.
The Parents' ListEdit
Hours later, Dave & Frank were in class. It was 11:00. Time for the first part of Dave's plan to unfold. Dave waited for the right time to execute it... he waited... and waited... and... NOW was the right time to execute it! "WAAAAH!", Dave shouted out of nowhere. Everyone turned to face him. "UGH! My LEG! WAAAH!", Dave screamed, falling to the floor. "What is it?", the teacher asked. "My LEG! CRAMP! Ooh, BAD CRAMP! REALLY BAD CRAMP! Must... get... to the nurse...", Dave grunted. "You want someone to go with you?", the teacher asked. "No... I must settle this myself... goodbye, all...", Dave moaned, crawling out of the room.
Once outside, Dave jumped up, shut the door, and ran down the hall, his leg perfectly well. "Heh heh, those idiots. Next stop: My house!", Dave said to himself with immense satisfaction. He edged towards the exit of the school, only to see there was a guard outside the door! "Oh no, I've got to distract him...", Dave muttered. He glanced to the side and saw a pile of stacked pots and pans on the floor... CRASH! "Huh? What was that?", the guard wondered. He dashed into the school, and saw the pots and pans scattered on the floor. "Ah, come on! I just fixed these!", the guard groaned. While the guard was distracted, Dave dashed out the door, to the outside!
"Yes! Ha ha!", Dave cheered, exiting the perimeter of the school. He then proceeded to run as fast as he could to his house to intercept the mail, and the mailed file. Soon, he got tired and tried to slow down. While doing so, he accidentally tripped over a rock and rolled on the ground! He rolled into a group of teenagers who were skipping school! "Aah! Huh? Hey look, it's a little kid", one teen said. Dave got up and brushed the dirt off him. "What chu' doin, kiddy? Ain't cha' supposed to be in school?", another teen asked. "Well, maybe I SKIPPED class. Yeah, I'm hot like that", Dave taunted. The teens burst into laughter. "What's so funny? I wouldn't be laughing if I had a mama as fat as yours!", Dave insulted. The teens stopped. "What chu' say about our mamas?", a teen asked. "Er... I --", Dave started. "He said our mamas are fat!", another teen replied. "Yeah! Let's show this kid what happens when babies like him insult the mamas of US grown men!", a third teen said with a murderous look on his face. Dave gulped.
Meanwhile, a good 15 minutes had passed in class, and no one was suspicious of Dave's departure. "Uh, The Teacher, can I go to the restroom?", Frank asked. "Sure. Take the pass", the teacher replied. Dave left the classroom and went into the restroom. There, he locked himself in a stall, pulled out his cell phone, and called Dave. "Hello?", Dave answered on the other line. "Dave! Where are you right now?", Frank asked. "Oh, I'm close to my house right now. I'm just being chased by a pack of murderous teens is all", Dave replied. "Oh, whew. Good. I thought you'd --- WHAT?!!!", Frank yelled.
"You heard me. I -- Whoa!", Dave shouted, dodging a swipe from the teens behind him. "I can't talk now! I need to save my oxygen! Be back at school soon! Bye!", Dave farewelled, stuffing the phone back in his pocket and sprinting! "You can't get away from us, you son of a b---!", one of the teens started. "Hey, watch it! This is a kids' story!", Dave warned. Just then, Dave found himself in the middle of the street, in the path of a large bus! "Whaa!", Dave shouted. The teens caught up to him. "Got cha', ya piece of ---!" BAMM! Dave turned around. It looked like the teens were hit by the bus! "Whew...", Dave sighed. He faced the front to see the teens there! "We can't die, kid. This story is realistic fiction!", the teen growled. "Gulp... listen, I just --- Hey, look! There's a teenage girl with a strapless blouse and no one around her!", Dave said. "Where?", the teens asked, drooling from the mouth. Dave hastily escaped, while the teens gazed at nothing.
Dave reached his house just as the mailman left the block. Dave walked up to the front of the house, reached into the mailbox, and pulled out the envelope with the list. "Score!", Dave whispered, stuffing it in his backpack. "Now to -- GASP!" Off in the distance, a car was edging closer to the house... MOM's car! Without hesitation, Dave pulled out his spare house keys and opened the door to the house. He snuck inside, locked the door and dashed up to his room! Dave hid in there while Mom entered the house. "Oh, man...", Dave groaned. He heard Mom come up the stairs. "I think I'll vacuum Dave's room", she said. Dave's eyes widened in fear! Mom opened the door... and Dave wasn't there! She proceeded to vacuum the room. Dave, who was hiding behind the door, quickly dove into the hallway and tip-toed down the stairs. He then dashed out of the half-opened front door and left the perimeters. "Whew! That was close!", Dave sighed. He then ran back to the school.
Dave re-entered the class minutes later. "How's your leg?", the teacher asked. "Great! The nurse worked her magic!", Dave lied. He sat down. Frank faced him. Dave winked back at him. Frank replied with a smile. Mission complete!
The Principal's ListEdit
Soon, the school day ended. Dave & Frank prepared to go home. As Frank crossed paths with the main office, he noticed that Dave had vanished. He turned around and saw that Dave had entered the main office. Dave was looking into a series of columns known as "staff mailboxes", and in the Principal's mailbox was an envelope containing the list! "Gotcha...", Dave muttered. "Hey!", a secretary yelled, "What chu' doin' next to the Principal's mailbox?!" "Huh... er, well...", Dave muttered, sweating nervously, "My teacher sent me to retrieve something from the Principal's mailbox that she put in there by accident." "Oh yeah? What?", the secretary asked. "Hey, I don't ask you what YOU mail to your boss, you don't ask me!", Dave retorted. "Oy, fine! Just hurry up!", the secretary replied, going back to her work.
Dave took the list and put it in his backpack. "Okay, I'm good now. I'll just --- OOH! Aaah!", Dave yelled. "What is it?", the secretary asked. "I... uh, need to use the restroom...", Dave said. "Ugh, you're a boatload of bother, kid. It's down the hall to the left. Don't get any of your pee on the floor, got it?", the secretary asked, grimly. "Hey Ms., I'm a grown boy. I ain't gonna --- Umph! Gotta go!", Dave muttered, rushing down the left hall of the office. He passed by a room, containing files. He stopped and entered the room.
Dave found himself in a big room. At the end of the room were a bunch of drawers... containing files. Mission complete! However, he still had to reach the drawers and retrieve the list from his files. O_o ...
The List in the FilesEdit
Dave dashed to the drawer and tried to open it, but to no avail. "Ugh! The thing's locked!", he groaned, "And I can't get out and snatch the key 'cause that lady thinks I'm in the bathroom!" Dave then locked up and noticed that there was an entrance to the vents. He jumped on top of the drawers, and jumped off! He hung onto the metal bars that led into the vents by a mere hand! "Eek!", he squeaked. Just then, the bars sealing the entrance to the vents broke off, sending Dave tumbling down! At the last second, he reached his hand up and caught onto the inside. He pulled himself up and crawled in the vents.
Dave eventually crawled up to yet another metal bar-sealing vent hole, which was on the ceiling of the main office room. He looked down to see the secretary, and on the table beside her... the key! Dave tried to rip open the metal bars but failed. In anger, he punched the metal bars, only hurting himself, and yelled "OWWWW!" "What was that?", the secretary asked. "Oh... just gettin' the poop out...", Dave lied. "Why are there echoes... like you're in the vents or something", the secretary inquired. "Uh... I'm just practicing my ventriloquism is all", Dave replied, "Look: Yo-deh-lay-he-hoo!" "Whatever, just hurry up", the secretary replied.
Outside the office, Frank was looking inside and saw Dave in the vents! Dave noticed this and pointed down towards the secretary. Frank understood what this meant, and ran over to Matt, who was walking down the hall. "Hey, Matt, yo mama's a fat piece of doo-doo on a stick!", Frank insulted. "What chu' say?", Matt asked, angrily. "I said yo mama's a fat piece of trash! That's why when I tried to do her last night, I bounced off her bell-eh!", Frank retorted.
SMACK! "What the --?!", the secretary stammared. He rushed into the hallway where she saw Frank on the ground, writhing in pain, and Matt towering over him with a murderous look. "What's going on here?", she asked. "This guy... he brutally beat me...", Frank groaned. "What? This guy insulted my mama!", Matt tried to explain. "Who are you going to listen to, Ms. Secretary? Me, a perfectly nice student with good grades, or HIM, a troublesome student with failing grades and low burlesque?!", Frank asked. "What?! This guy started it! Look, just ask some random guy!", Matt shouted, rushing over to a random student. "Hey, Kid! Say Frank started it or I'm gonna kill you!", Matt threatened. The student yelled in fear and ran away. "See?", Frank pointed out.
Meanwhile, in the secretary's office, the metal bars had broken open due to Dave's punch. Dave pulled some thread from a ripped part of his backpack and used it as a lasso. He lowered it down, and the thread wrapped around the key. He quickly pulled it up. "Yes!", he sighed. Dave shut the medal bars and crawled back to the vent opening in the room of files. He jumped down on the drawers, then jumped onto the floor. "Let me see... Ah, "D" for "Dave"!", Dave found, and opened up the drawer with the key. He glanced around and spotted his folder. He pulled it out and opened it up. "Huh, well look at that, I failed the State Test. Yes, the list!", Dave cheered, pulling it out. Dave put the folder back in, shut the drawer, and locked it closed. He placed the list in his backpack and went to leave. Mission complete!
Before leaving the main office, Dave went in the restroom and flushed the toilet. "Aaaaah... ooh, yeah, that was good...", he sighed, making it sound like he had really relieved himself. Dave then proceeded to the front of the office, placed the key back on the table, and went into the hallway, where he saw the secretary confronting Frank & Matt. "Hey, what's going on here? A brief scuffle between Frank & Matt? Tsk, tsk. Poor, deluded -- HEY, LOOK AT THAT!", Dave shouted, pointing at something. While Matt & the secretary turned around to see what Dave had pointed to -- which was nothing, Dave & Frank made a hasty escape!
Outside, the two laughed. "So, you got the list?", Frank asked. "Yep, that's everything", Dave said, satisfied. "Wait!... what about the original copy the teacher has!?", Frank reminded. "O_O!", went the two friends. They turned around and glanced back at the school. "Gulp... we've got to go... back in?", Dave asked, afraid. "Yeah... you ready for one last excursion?", Frank counterasked. "Guess so...", Dave replied, weakly. With that, the two reentered the school, for one last battle!
The Teacher's ListEdit
Dave & Frank slowly crept into the school. They tip-toed up the stairs to their classroom. "Okay, I'll just walk in and --", Dave started. "Wait, I hear footsteps!", Frank interrupted. It was true. The teacher was emerging from the classroom! Dave & Frank charged into another abandoned room and quickly shut the door. The two looked out from the door's window, and saw the teacher going down the stairs, pocketbook in hand. And in that book... was the original copy of the list! "She has it!", Dave breathed. "We've got to get it from her", Frank replied. The two BUSTED out of the room and dashed down the stairs after the teacher!
Once they got to the first floor, they looked around. The teacher was no where to be found. "Shoot, we lost her!", Frank groaned. The two heard a motor running coming from outside. "She must be in her car!", Dave suggested. The friends ran out the school doors, and saw the teacher's car backing out of the parking lot and driving off into the distance. "Well, that's it! We're finished. You've lost", Frank lamented. "No! We have to chase after the car!", Dave refused to give up. "Huh? What are you talking about?", Frank asked. "Simple. We're gonna follow the teacher to her house and retrieve the list there", Dave explained.
"You crazy?!", Frank yelled. "What? You promised to help me get the list back", Dave reminded. "No, I reluctantly agreed. I never promised!", Frank pointed out. "But friends are supposed to help one another!", Dave pleaded. "No, friends are supposed to do friendly activities, not chase after teachers in cars doing 80 on the interstate just to get a piece a paper!", Frank retorted. He turned to walk away. "Sigh... it's a shame. Girls love people who can do that kind of thing", Dave taunted. Frank stopped in his tracks, "What chu' say?" "I said if we got to pull this thing off, we'd be the most popular kids in school. The girls would be all over us. I'd have a girlfriend for every day of the week, and THEN some! But since... Frank?", Dave taunted, looking around but seeing no sign of Frank.
"Come BACK!", Frank yelled, chasing after the car. Dave sneered, and followed him. The two ran onto the street, still following the teacher's car! "HONK!", honked a car behind them, speeding at them! "We're gonna get run over!", Dave shouted. Frank grabbed Dave by the collar and threw himself and Dave onto the sidewalk! They landed there as the car passed them by a mere inch! "Gasp! Gasp... the car's getting away!", Dave shouted. He got up and limped after the car. After turning the corner, he got tired and collapsed. "Oh, who am I kidding? We'll never catch up", Dave sighed. He looked to the side, and saw that he had collapsed right outside a bike store. And there was an unchained two-seat bike on the side. "Frank... I've got an idea", Dave said, triumphantly.
A few minutes later... The owner of the bike came out of the store. "Now that I've got this bike chain, I can keep my vehicle sa--- What the --?! Someone stole my bike!", he yelled. The store manager came out and said, "Ain't that ironic? You went inside a store to get a bike chain to keep your bike safe, but in the midst of that, you left your bike wide open for anyone to steal!" "Shut up! What are you, my English teacher?", the man asked, annoyed.
Meanwhile, Dave & Frank were frantically riding the bike on the road, trying to catch up to the teacher's car! "Whoa!", Dave shouted, trying to balance the bike, "This is no picnic!" "Truck at 3 o'clock!", Frank shouted. The two hastily swerved the bike to avoid the truck! "We could get killed out here! Bus at 12 o'clock!", Frank shouted. The two swerved the bike again, dodging the bus. "Well, if we do get killed, it'll be for a good cause! Plus, I won't have to deal with my parents' wrath until THEY die... if they go where I'm going", Dave replied. "Look out for the U-turn!", Frank yelled. "Whoa!", Dave shouted, swerving the bike as to avoid driving through the gate and falling down the cliff below!
"I can see the teach's car!", Dave pointed out, "Let's speed up!" The two sped the bike up, passing various cars, until they were right behind the teacher's car. "Ugh... my legs hurt... we've got to ditch the bike...", Frank groaned. "Hold on. Let me just climb onto the car", Dave said, jumping off the bike and onto the back of the car. "Dave, you fool!", Frank shouted as the bike went out of whack! He jumped off the bike as it drived off into the distance. "Yaaah!", Frank shouted, holding onto Dave's leg for dear life! The teacher, still unknowing of the two boys on top of her car, made a turn, sending Dave & Frank flying off!
The two rolled onto the sidewalk and writhed in pain. "Ugh... I never want to do that again...", Frank groaned. "Look... the teacher's parking her car in a driveway. That must be her house", Dave pointed out. It was true, the teacher had emerged from her, pocketbook in hand, and entered her house. "I have to go inside and get the list!", Dave said, getting up. "Going into the teacher's house?! Dave, that's the stupidest thing you've done! Really, I can live with going into a teacher's house, but going into the THE teacher's house is like knocking on Death's door!", Frank yelled, stopping him. "Frank, I've got this far. I can't turn back", Dave said, heading for the house. "Alright, fine! I'm not coming to your funeral!", Frank yelled back.
Dave slowly opened the front door of the house. He looked inside and saw the teacher walking up the stairs, and then entering the bathroom. Dave quickly got in, quietly closed the door, and hastily dashed up the stairs! He looked inside the various rooms until he found one that looked like the teacher's office. He glanced at the desk and noticed a pile of papers. He shuffled around them until he found the list! "Aaaaahhh..." I suppose you think that it was Dave who sighed, aren't you? No, it was the teacher, who was done relieving herself! Hearing the teacher emerging from the bathroom, Dave put the paper back and hid under the desk.
He heard the teacher coming into the room. "Boy, there's nothing better than letting go of all your troubles in a nice plump poop", she sighed. The teacher sat down and started doing work on the various peoples on her desk. Dave breathed nervously. "Huh? What's that sound?", she asked. Dave held his breath in. The teacher listened intently, then finally said, "Eh, must be the boiler." She continued her work and even started moving her feet back and forth. However, due to Dave's eventually carelessness, the teacher's leg hit Dave! "Huh?!", the teacher shouted, feeling the boy. She bent down to look, but the door bell rang! "Shoot", she groaned, postponing the search and going downstairs.
As soon as the teacher was down the stairs, Dave emerged from his hiding spot! He looked around in the pile of papers and took out the list once more! He stuffed it in his backpack and slowly crept down the stairs. At the front door, the teacher was conversing with Frank. "How did you find my house? Are you stalking me or something?!", the teacher yelled in disgust. "No. The, uh... school administration told me where you were", Frank lied. "What do you want?!", the teacher growled. "I'm failing Social Studies, aren't I, the teacher? I'm failing!", Frank groaned. "No, you're not. You have one of the best --", the teacher started. "Shut up! I'm FAILING!", Frank corrected.
Dave noticed what Frank was doing and gave him a smile. He then tiptoed into the kitchen and went to jump out of one of the windows there. "I need extra credit! I NEED it! I have to get into Harvard!", Frank pleaded. "You don't need extra --!", the teacher started. "No, no, don't go easy on me. I'm a failure. I'm a stinkin' failure. I NEED an assignment", Frank pleaded. "Ugh... fine. Do... er, a report on Abraham Lincoln", the teacher replied. "Thank you, the teacher! You won't be disappointed!", Frank reassured. "I know I will", the teacher grimaced. CRASH!, came a sound from the kitchen, which was Dave who had accidentally knocked over a pile of pans.
"What was that?!", the teacher yelled, about to rush over. "The teacher, wait!", Frank pleaded. "WHAT?!!!!", the teacher yelled at the top of her lungs. "... Did I ever tell you how hot you are?", Frank said out of nowhere. The teacher shut the door in Frank's face! "Okay... I'll call you!", Frank replied. Meanwhile, the teacher raced into the kitchen! At the last second, Dave escaped out the window and dashed to the front of the house, where he met Frank. "Frank, you helped me?", Dave asked. "Yeah, it's what friends do", Frank replied. The two hugged.
"So, ya got the list?", Frank asked. Dave reached behind him to pull his backpack, but found that it wasn't there! "Eek! My backpack! I must have left it in the house! Hold on, I'll just be a second", Dave said, climbing back into the window. The teacher jumped up, right in front of him, holding up Dave's backpack! "Looking for THIS!'?'", the teacher shouted, triumphantly. "Aaaah!", Dave shouted, falling on the ground. The teacher grabbed Dave by the collar. "You're busted, pipsqueak!", the teacher cackled. She spotted Frank slipping away in the distance. "You too, Watson*!", the teacher ordered. Frank, knowing when he was beaten, sadly sulked back to the teacher's fortress, and was engulfed in the darkness that is... the teacher's house! O_O
- Note: "Watson" is not Frank's surname, but she is merely comparing him to Dr. Watson, the sidekick of Sherlock Holmes, also comparing Dave to Sherlock.
"Okay, so what were you two doing?!", the teacher yelled. "What do you mean?", Dave asked, shifting his eyes to the sides. "What, you think I'm stupid? The 'going to the nurse for a broken leg', 'two boys in my rearview mirror', 'something under my desk', and 'Frank asking her special credit'?! What are you guys trying to pull?", the teacher asked, angrily.
"Uh... heh, see that's pretty funny. Tell her, Frank", Dave said. "Me? Oh no, it's so hilarious that only a mastermind of comedy can say it. You go, Dave", Frank resisted. "No, I couldn't possible say it! You say it!". Dave resisted. "No... you say it!", Frank resisted. "You say it!", Dave resisted. "You say it!", Frank yelled. "You SAY IT!", Dave replied. "IF ONE OF YOU DOESN'T TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON, I WILL EXPELL BOTH OF YOU!", the teacher yelled.
"Waah ha ha! It's true! It's all true! Dave didn't want to get in trouble with that list, so he made up a plan and I went along with you! When you let him go to the nurse's office, he really went home to get the list that was mailed to the house! After school, I distracted the secretary in the main office while Dave got the Principal's copy of the list and the copy in his files! Then we followed you home to get your list and you caught us in the act! Don't expell me!", Frank cried.
"So that's what happened, eh? You thought you could pull one over The Teacher's eye?", the teacher asked. "Yeah...", Dave gulped. "Hmm. That's pretty brave. I'd got to give you that one", the teacher replied. "WHAT?!", Dave and Frank shouted in disbelief. "Yeah. Not many kids would go through all that trouble to get out of trouble", the teacher said, impressed. "Does that mean we're off the hook?", Frank asked, hope in his eye. "Heck no! I oughta have you two arrested and sent to juvenile hall for what you did!", the teacher screamed. The two boys sunk in their seats. "However, I have a better idea...", the teacher said with a smirk.
4 days later...
Frank is seen washing the teacher's car. "*Mumble grumble...*", he groaned. Dave came out of the teacher's house with a tray of lemonade glasses. Frank looked at him and said, "I hate you." "Well, hating me isn't going to lift the punishment any sooner. We're stuck serving the teacher for the rest of the month", Dave replied. "I guess... so how'd your parents take the whole 'being suspended' thing?", Frank asked. "Well, once I explained that to my dad, he didn't even say a word to me; he just pulled out the belt. O_O ... So what about you?", Dave asked. "Oh, I just got all of my technology taken away from me. I don't know how I'm going to survive", Frank replied. "Hey, at least you don't have a cherry red butt", Dave grimaced.
"Yo, Davey! Gettin' thirsty here!", the teacher shouted, she being laid out on a recliner, swimsuit and sunglasses on, basking in the sun. Dave went over to her and handed her a glass of lemonade. The teacher took a sip and said, "Toenails. Paint 'em", handing Dave a kit of manicure materials. "Ugh...", Dave groaned, starting to paint the teacher's nails. Just then, some random teenage guy drove up in a hotrod, with a bunch of girls in the backseat. "And girls, if you look to your left, you'll see two losers", the teen insulted. "HA! You guys stink!", a girl added. The teens drove off, laughing uncontrollably.
"Ugh... my reputation is ruined...", Frank lamented. "Sigh... this is just a normal day in the life of a Poor Boy...", Dave sighed.