The Shortest Intense Story Ever! (Christmas version) is a story about a boy who battles Santa Claus, who has been turned into a zombie by a mysterious creature created by a witch doctor.
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a -- WHAT IN THE WORLD! Emerging from the fireplace was a zombie version of Santa! He took out a sword the shape of a christmas tree and starting slashing me with it. I dodged, jumped in the air, and kicked him! While Zombie Santa was briefly unconscious, I opened one of the presents to reveal a BB gun with real bullets! This abnormal stranger was about to get a taste for lead! "Eat this, fool!". I yelled and blasted him! It blew a hole through a side of the house and attracted the attention of the entire neighborhood. My parents woke up, the police came, and all the neighbors came to confront Santa. TO BE CONTINUED!....
Using buckets of water, we were able to turn Santa back to normal. He explained to us the whole story:
He had been dropping off presents when his sleigh broke down. He went to get some gas when a lone shadowy being emerged from the darkness. It has bloody lips, hypnotizing eyes, and a chapped tongue. He and Santa engaged in an intense battle which a fool like you could never understand.
Narrator's mother: Eugene, are you making fun of someone online?
Narrator: Uh... no, Mom.
Narrator's mother: Yes you are. It says right there on the computer: "a fool like you." So you've turned into a cyber bully huh?
Narrator: But I -!
Narrator's mother: And you're a lier too huh? That's it, you're grounded!
Narrator: But mom! Tonight's the school dance!
Narrator's mother: You should've thought of that before you called some random person a fool.
Narrator: But Mom, I try-!
Narrator's mother: Shut it. Go to bed without supper!
Narrator's mother: Turn off the computer and go to bed.
Narrator: But it's only 5:00PM!
Narrator's mother: You see this belt? You want it to be slapped all over your butt?!
Narrator: No but I -!
Narrator's mother: Off!
Narrator: (turns off computer)
Sorry there, my mom went wild. Anyway...
So they had an intense battle and--.
Narrator's mother: (in the hallway) Are you typing something violent on the computer?
Narrator: (rushes over to lock door) Ugh! Do NOT come in, Mom!
Narrator's mother: Let me in Eugene!!! Let... me.. IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Narrator: Sorry about that. Anyways...
So Santa and the mysterious figure had an intense battle. Santa wrapped his beard around the figure's neck and strangled him. The figure used its claws to cut Santa's beard and then pounced on St. Nick! The figure bit Santa on the neck, thus sending a stream of poison through Kris Kringle's body! The figure disappeared into a cloud of purple dust. Santa sat there, and fell asleep.
And that was all Santa could recall. From what I could infer, it was when Santa fell asleep that he turned into a zombie. We all agreed on that and so what we had to do next was find this mysterious figure. Me and Mr. Claus embarked on an intense journey. TO BE CONTINUED...
Santa and I walked to the gas station where it all started. As we examined a drop of blood on the concrete, the mysterious figure came out of NOWHERE and attacked us! It pounced on Santa. Santa kicked it off. The figure flew through the air and crashed into the glass window of some random store. The figure recieved severe cuts and bruises throughout its body and lay on the floor, unconscious. Me and Santa looked at this freak, but before we could reach a conclusion, we were pulled through the ground. We fell underground until Santa and I fell into a chair, and then a snake wrapped around us. "Well well. Visitors! Do make yourselves at home", a voice said. "Who is this clown?", I asked. "'Tis I!" and a man emerged from a dark room. "The witch doctor!" "Witch doctor?!", Santa exclaimed in surprise. "Yep, that's my name. Don't wear it out, Fatty. I created that beast you just trashed up there. Don't cha know it's not nice to deface people's property?", the doctor explained. "You created that thing?! You fool, you could've killed us all!", I yelled. "I know that. It's what I've been trying to do. Now that you're trapped in my lair, I can achieve my GOAL!", the doctor announced as two massive claws emerged from the ground! TO BE CONTINUED....
"You see, my enemies. I've been jealous of Santa much too long. You have a gigantic workshop with millions of elves and kids all around the world love YA! Yet I have MASSIVE powa, and no one's ever heard of me. So I'll kill you Santa! And your little friend too! Mwah ha ha!", the doctor laughed. Thus the two claws lunged at Santa and scratched him across his face! Santa flew through the air and landed on the ground with a huge scar spread across his face. "Santa!", I yelled. The claws lunged at me too. I jumped off the chair and landed on the claws. I slid down the back of the string of which the claw was attached. At the right time, I jumped off and attacked the doctor! I punched him! He kicked me! I kicked his shin! He punched my jaw! He strangled me and held me up in the air! I couldn't breathe! Right then out of nowhere, a car came falling from the ceiling! It fell on top of the doctor, crushing him and setting me free! In the car was my parents and a couple of police. I rushed over to Santa's side. He was lifeless. I shed a tear. Santa Claus was dead! As was the witch doctor. The next day we had a funeral for both of them. The whole town came to Santa's funeral. No one went to the doctor's. It was the saddest Christmas of my life. Yet at the same time, it was the shortest intense story EVER!
IN LOVING MEMORY OF
Nicholas "Santa" Claus
God Knows When - 2009